Wednesday's Child

So Tuesday, May 2nd Josh and I left the house early in the morning for what I thought was going to be just another pre-natal appointment. The house was a mess, laundry needed to be done and we were out of toilet paper. I still needed to go grocery shopping. Basically, we weren't ready for what they were going to tell us at this particular appointment.

In the office, Dr. Eshbach basically said either I needed to be induced that night, or have a C-section very early the following morning. Woah. Like I said, I thought I'd have at least until the end of the week. Anyway, I had a feeling that for the safety of the baby, I ought to have the C-section. So there it was, scheduled for 7:15 the next morning. I was terrified of the idea of having the surgery. I've never even broken a bone. Hospitals just freaked me out. I asked Josh to just drop me off at Mom's while he finished out the work day because I was just a little overwhelmed. I needed to be surrounded by people who loved me to keep my mind off the horrifying reality of the next morning. We took mom up on her offer to spend the night at their house.

Needless to say, I barely slept that night. We got up around 4:30 a.m. and headed for the hospital. At this point I am still trying not to think about what I had to do. As a matter of fact, I never faced it because I had planned on facing it at the moment I was lying on the operating table with Josh holding my hand; but that never happened. I'll get to that in a minute. Anyway, about five nurses attacked me when we got to the maternity ward. Put this on, take this off, this will only hurt for a second. Half an hour, an IV and a catheter later, I am ready for surgery. Josh is with me the entire time up to this point, unfortunately for him. They lay the mechanical bed back and wheel me down the hall to the operating room, completely dramatic and totally E.R.-like. At this point, they tell Josh he has to wait outside for them to give me the epidural. I don't know why they do it this way, it only makes it more scary. Anyway, I got to experience the epidural, though I don't remember too much about it. It kind of hurt, and it made me jump a little when he stuck the needle in my spine and it's a VERY weird experience, not being able to feel your legs. The weird part is, as much as I'm a light weight (and I seriously am, Tylenol PM knocks me out for two days) the epidural didn't take. At least, not completely. I couldn't move or feel anything below my waist, but when they poked my stomach before surgery to see if I could feel it, I did.

Next thing I know, they are putting what I thought was an oxygen mask over my face. The air stunk and pretty quickly after wards my lungs felt like lead. I remember saying to the anesthesiologist, "I can't breath, is this normal?" and then I was gone. Two hours later they woke me up saying I'd had a beautiful baby. I couldn't even remember my name but I said, "Where's Josh?" The nurse said he was in the other room being cleaned up. This sounded very strange at the moment, but I realized later that she must have thought the baby's name was Josh. I'd not even realized I'd had the baby. When I fell asleep, he was still inside me.

Two hours after he'd been delivered, they finally wheeled me down to my room to see my son for the first time. I'm pretty sure Josh was holding him, though truthfully, that entire day is kind of a big drug induced blur to me. There were a few minutes during which the maternity ward nurses were freaking out; apparently I was losing a lot of blood. I don't really know what happened, except that the next day I had to get two blood transfusions. They don't really explain too much when you're in the hospital. Finally though, I got to hold my son. He was perfect. I wasn't surprised at all by his face, it was like I knew what he would look like. Maybe it was just that I knew him. He was familiar, probably more emotionally than physically. Still, there was no question that this was my baby. (And he is quite good looking, if I do say so myself.)

The following week, my mom stayed with us. We were blessed so much by friends and family that I would probably do them quite an injustice trying to explain it all, but I will say that we couldn't have done it without them. We didn't have to worry about anything. The messy house I described was cleaned by The Moms while we were still in the hospital, and they had even found my grocery list and done the shopping for me. It really made bringing the baby home all the better, and was a major reason why I left the hospital a day early. I couldn't wait to be home with our new family.

It's hard to get down in words how much having Riley really did change me. The change was immediate. I had a little post-partum problem where I was incredibly concerned with his safety, to the point where I was just a tad paranoid, but that passed in a few days. Now we spend just about every minute together (thus why it has taken me so long to get this journal entry done) and I honestly LOVE it. At some point during the hospital stay I told Josh that I thought Riley had saved my life. He made kind of a weird face and asked, "From what?" I still don't know the answer to that question, except maybe that he saved me from a selfish existence. I don't know what I might have turned out to be without him, but I know that I like who I am now that he's here.

There are some details that I left out, and some that I will never remember because of the anesthesia, but this is the story of the day my baby was born.