Fear and Loathing

Recently I've become obsessed with the Moth man. Seemingly out of the blue. After taking my route I was surprised to find that I am nearly 22 years old and still afraid of the dark. The moth man is merely that shape that I have given my fears, but that doesn't make it any less scary to me.

I did some research on the Moth man because I figured that since ignorance of an issue is usually the cause for fear, by finding out what the moth man prophesies were really all about I might be less afraid. The problem is, I kind of believe in these weird sightings and things. I mean, not like the alien freaks do. I still don't believe in aliens. My belief is that the creatures of the Bible, the angels and demons that people used to see, still exist. It's not that just because we made it to 2006 they stopped appearing to people, it's just that the minds of people have changed. Suddenly we're seeing "aliens" and "monsters" when really its the angels and demons that have been here since before man. So the fact that the moth man was sighted in Point Pleasant, West Virginia and some believed him to be a product of chemical waste or even an alien, doesn't really quells my fears.

What really gets me though is that when I get up to do my route, I have to turn on every light in the house in order to function. And I jump at every little noise. Sometimes, when I get really freaked out, I wake Josh up and make him watch me walk to the car. I know my fears are somewhat ridiculous, but that doesn't stop me one bit. I tell myself that there's nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light, though I know that's not true. Yes, fear of the dark is no longer reasonable past the age of five, but having been a night person for the past three months, I will tell you that a lot of weird stuff does happen between the hours of three and five in the morning. Who knows if it's really anything to be afraid of, but I will say I have seen my share of ghosts on the road.

What is it about people that we have to know everything? I mean, it really is true that not understanding something is what creates our fear. People live in fear every day. Will I be able to pay the bills this month? Will the baby wake up? Will my husband make it home from work? What will happen at the party, next weekend, next month, tomorrow? We tend to think if we knew the future we'd be less afraid, but I think the future is pretty scary.

I guess the best solution is to live in the headlights. I told myself that since I'm so afraid of what's in the dark, I'll only worry about what my headlights can show me and anything beyond that, the stuff I can't see and I don't understand, I won't worry about.

When Riley is old enough to be afraid of things, I will probably tell him the same thing. Besides, as adults we know better. We know there are a lot scarier things than anything that could possibly fit under your bed. Life is scary enough with out monsters walking around. I'd hate to tell him that, though. I can just imagine the scenario. Riley is crying in his room because he's scared of the Boogey Man and I go in to comfort him and say, "Son, the Boogey Man is not real. But the IRS man is, and he's a lot scarier. And then of course you know they never did catch Leather Face."

I guess it's true that what exists in our own minds is scarier than anything that might actually exist. But maybe that brings me back to my angels and demons. Just think of Charlie Manson. When there are people with minds like that running around, I shouldn't be worried about any Moth man.