Everybody Poops

Its true and also quite enlightening. If somebody doesn't poop, they are not special. They are constipated. And they are to be pitied.

I'd have to say one of the biggest compliments I've ever got (and I've gotten it a few times from a few different people) is when this one girl, who actually didn't like me much, came up to me and said. "You make being on the outside look cool. Like everyone else is on the outside of you." Meanwhile I'm feeling like a fungus the rest of the group didn't want to catch. But it was good to know I'm kind of an attractive fungus.

Josh and I had two other couples over for dinner Monday night. It was an absolute blast and they all got a little tipsy which was pretty cute. We're goody-goodies. (Atleast compared to the more regular party people that I know and who, I might add, I definitely do NOT envy.) Actually it all started at a party for an old friend that we went to on Sunday. I saw a bunch of people I hadn't talked to in forever. They were all doing really well and it made me feel sad for the old group. We all kind of went our own ways about two years ago. The last time I'd seen those guys was actually the day of our wedding. Just to give you an idea.

Anyway so having dinner at our house was awesome. They actually cooked for us, using our kitchen which was pretty cool. They brought wine, thus the tipsy-ness I mentioned earlier. The guys played guitar and we all shared about our dysfunctional families. It's good to be in familiar territory. Josh and I loved it so much we are officially calling our house "open". So anybody who wants to come cook us dinner, get drunk and bitch about their families is welcome here. Or, if you just want to come over that's cool too.

I guess I'm kind of circling around my point, which was weak to begin with. Basically I'm saying that most of the time I feel completely inferior to everyone, though I guess I don't really come off that way. So my most recent little invention to make myself feel better is to think well...they gotta poop sometime. Gross as that may be, there is nothing more embarrassing than being caught on the pot. So, when I feel like someone is being condescending, I picture myself walking in on them taking a big dump and I kinda chuckle and back out of the bathroom like..."Ha! Not so special now, are ya." And you might think, "Well yeah but isn't that embarrassing for you, too?" Why me? They're the ones with their pants down.

So if someone's being a jerk, just picture them doing something completely natural. And disgusting. And then if you're not feeling a little more on their level then at least you were distracted for a minute.

And if you think I'm stupid, remember that if you express those feelings in my comment box, I WILL be picturing you on the toilet.

Good day.