Ugh. I have a decision to make. I'm pretty sure I've actually made it, but I feel like I need to have one of those hard talks with someone I love. And I'm also pretty sure it will only piss them off and they won't listen to a word I say. I hate those talks. But I also feel that there's no point in believing in things if you're not going to stand up for them when the time comes.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Moving, Mosh pits, and More
I forgot to look at my last post so I'm not real sure what I wrote about. Sorry if I repeat stuff.
But I had to lay down my mosh pit experience because it was pretty intense. And actually pretty short. So I guess I really mean the entire Dropkick Murphy's experience which was just pretty much amazing.
Well the power was out in all of Dewey and I believe it was around 100 all that week (which probably had something to do with the electricity failure, but I can't say). Anyway, there we were standing in line wondering if and how they were going to put this show on. The sun had been down for about an hour but it was still 94 and humid. The only thing to drink were semi-cold beers being sold from a cooler from the liquor store next to the Bottle and Cork. People were getting pretty rowdy already. If you don't know from experience, you should research the effects of alcohol comsumed in the heat. It seems to do one of two things to people, make them sick, or make them crazy. Since we were in line for an Irish punk rock show, most people were the latter.
We finally made it inside and people were every where. The place was sold out, packed and HOT. There really was no other word for it. The only thing to drink, unless you stuck your head under a faucet in the bathroom was again, beer. Also sold in only semi-cold cans and bottles. There was a cool old school type reggae punk band before the Murphy's but...darned if I remember their name. I knew I should have gotten a t-shirt. haha.
We pushed our way to the front of the crowd because, well, there were signs everywhere delcaring "No Moshing!" so we thought we were pretty safe. But as the Murphy's struck the first note to the first song, the entire crowd seemed to collapse inward. All of us were, somehow, thrown into the Pit. I was sure I was dead. I know that before the song started, I had been standing up right but a few seconds later I was pretty much laying down, levitating above a sea of sweaty bodies. I turned and clung to the closest person to me, hoping with all my heart it was Josh. He tugged me away from who ever was pulling me into the Pit and got us just past the front line of people who were not half naked and flailing. Whew. It was Josh.
Immediately I scanned the crowd for my mother. She wasn't coupled that night, except for my brother whom I assumed was enjoying the craziness near the stage. I found her as one of Mike's huge friends was rescuing her from the mess. The three of us assumed a position of self defense behind a couple of guys that had to be atleast 6'5 and 350 lbs. haha. Something like that. They pretty much protected us until we left but we had to kick a couple of rogue moshers who were unfortunate enough to come into contact with us. Seriously. It's their fault for being drunk and stupid.
Anyway, there was of course more drama later on in the night. Nothing quite as fun as the original Mosh clash. I won't get into that because it's not really worth it. The music was fantastic. The band played as if they weren't running off of generators, I mean besides the heat and the warm beer I don't think you'd have known. Yeah. I definitely should have gotten a t-shirt.
So yeah, we're all moved in. Well, our stuff is here and the old house is completely out of our lives. I won't get in to some of the drama with that either because it's old news. And frankly, not worth my time.
Going back to school on Monday and I really can't wait. Unfortunately, (and yet, not all that surprisingly) I've already run into a few possibly well-meaning people who don't think I can do it. To them I say this: I am only 22. Only. There may be some geeks (haha) my age who (think) they have their lives all figured out and well, good for them. Not me. I took my teens and the beginning of my twenties to figure out some things. I still don't have it figured out. Do I have to? No! I mean, I think it's almost ridiculous to expect someone my age to know everything. ( I mean, especially since you spent my teenage years telling me I didn't know squat!) I haven't been messing around. I haven't been getting in to trouble. I've been experiencing life and learning from those experiences. I went to college when I was 17, just like everyone else I knew. I wasn't ready yet. Plus, I didn't have mommy and daddy backing me with funds the entire time. That complicates things. I really had to fight for the two years I got, and Josh and I still do to this day. Any way it turns out, it's worth it. Because that's life. And you only get one.
As for the Air Force, I know that scares the be-jeezus out of the people who don't believe in me. Again, I don't really care. It's my life. Besides, I know that if it is something I decided to do, I will be awesome at it. You see, drive, dedication, motivation and ability have never been the problem for me. It's simply been indecision and a little lack in self confidence. (Is that so hard to understand? I've said on numerous occasions that my husband is the one and only person in this world, in my life, who has believed in me. Which is why he means more to me than anything.)
I'm sure now that I can do whatever I want to do. I have only to decide.
I'll leave you with this quote from Boondock Saints:
The question isn't how far, but whether you've got the constitution to go as far as it takes.
But I had to lay down my mosh pit experience because it was pretty intense. And actually pretty short. So I guess I really mean the entire Dropkick Murphy's experience which was just pretty much amazing.
Well the power was out in all of Dewey and I believe it was around 100 all that week (which probably had something to do with the electricity failure, but I can't say). Anyway, there we were standing in line wondering if and how they were going to put this show on. The sun had been down for about an hour but it was still 94 and humid. The only thing to drink were semi-cold beers being sold from a cooler from the liquor store next to the Bottle and Cork. People were getting pretty rowdy already. If you don't know from experience, you should research the effects of alcohol comsumed in the heat. It seems to do one of two things to people, make them sick, or make them crazy. Since we were in line for an Irish punk rock show, most people were the latter.
We finally made it inside and people were every where. The place was sold out, packed and HOT. There really was no other word for it. The only thing to drink, unless you stuck your head under a faucet in the bathroom was again, beer. Also sold in only semi-cold cans and bottles. There was a cool old school type reggae punk band before the Murphy's but...darned if I remember their name. I knew I should have gotten a t-shirt. haha.
We pushed our way to the front of the crowd because, well, there were signs everywhere delcaring "No Moshing!" so we thought we were pretty safe. But as the Murphy's struck the first note to the first song, the entire crowd seemed to collapse inward. All of us were, somehow, thrown into the Pit. I was sure I was dead. I know that before the song started, I had been standing up right but a few seconds later I was pretty much laying down, levitating above a sea of sweaty bodies. I turned and clung to the closest person to me, hoping with all my heart it was Josh. He tugged me away from who ever was pulling me into the Pit and got us just past the front line of people who were not half naked and flailing. Whew. It was Josh.
Immediately I scanned the crowd for my mother. She wasn't coupled that night, except for my brother whom I assumed was enjoying the craziness near the stage. I found her as one of Mike's huge friends was rescuing her from the mess. The three of us assumed a position of self defense behind a couple of guys that had to be atleast 6'5 and 350 lbs. haha. Something like that. They pretty much protected us until we left but we had to kick a couple of rogue moshers who were unfortunate enough to come into contact with us. Seriously. It's their fault for being drunk and stupid.
Anyway, there was of course more drama later on in the night. Nothing quite as fun as the original Mosh clash. I won't get into that because it's not really worth it. The music was fantastic. The band played as if they weren't running off of generators, I mean besides the heat and the warm beer I don't think you'd have known. Yeah. I definitely should have gotten a t-shirt.
So yeah, we're all moved in. Well, our stuff is here and the old house is completely out of our lives. I won't get in to some of the drama with that either because it's old news. And frankly, not worth my time.
Going back to school on Monday and I really can't wait. Unfortunately, (and yet, not all that surprisingly) I've already run into a few possibly well-meaning people who don't think I can do it. To them I say this: I am only 22. Only. There may be some geeks (haha) my age who (think) they have their lives all figured out and well, good for them. Not me. I took my teens and the beginning of my twenties to figure out some things. I still don't have it figured out. Do I have to? No! I mean, I think it's almost ridiculous to expect someone my age to know everything. ( I mean, especially since you spent my teenage years telling me I didn't know squat!) I haven't been messing around. I haven't been getting in to trouble. I've been experiencing life and learning from those experiences. I went to college when I was 17, just like everyone else I knew. I wasn't ready yet. Plus, I didn't have mommy and daddy backing me with funds the entire time. That complicates things. I really had to fight for the two years I got, and Josh and I still do to this day. Any way it turns out, it's worth it. Because that's life. And you only get one.
As for the Air Force, I know that scares the be-jeezus out of the people who don't believe in me. Again, I don't really care. It's my life. Besides, I know that if it is something I decided to do, I will be awesome at it. You see, drive, dedication, motivation and ability have never been the problem for me. It's simply been indecision and a little lack in self confidence. (Is that so hard to understand? I've said on numerous occasions that my husband is the one and only person in this world, in my life, who has believed in me. Which is why he means more to me than anything.)
I'm sure now that I can do whatever I want to do. I have only to decide.
I'll leave you with this quote from Boondock Saints:
The question isn't how far, but whether you've got the constitution to go as far as it takes.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Time-less
I guess I kind of left a few things hanging. Not that anyone cares, but here goes.
We're all moved in...sort of. Our stuff is still kinda everywhere but at least none of it is at the other house. I don't miss the other house. Sometimes, before I get in the shower I'm like "Crap! Where are my flipflops!" Then I remember the shower here isn't scary. And that makes me smile.
I'm supposed to start school the 27th. I'm simply finishing the old degree I started about five years ago (yes, I should have graduated by now, but I wanted to do some other stuff first, haha). And I'm now thinking, since I have to wait at least a year now to join USAF, that I may just wait two years and go straight into Officer Training School (OTS). The benefits are much better. I still haven't decided.
Also, I've said Good-bye Ruby Tuesday for the very last time. The management there was horrendous. I don't even feel like going into it but it sucked. The people sucked, and they expected me to pull a couple of double shifts every week not to mention their idea of a regular shift was about 9 to 10 hrs anyway. If you know much about serving jobs, they typically only schedule maybe 5 - 7 hr shifts because the work is non-stop. It wasn't that so much as all the attitude I was constantly catching from everyone there. Blah. Whatever. They suck and for future reference, they will touch your food with no gloves on. So don't go to the one in Rehoboth.
Well that's kind of the update. I forget what else I was going to say since Josh just walked in and reminded me of like five things I'm supposed to be doing (not really, just his presence reminded me).
But I do have a question. Why do things you order from Amazon always take a month to get shipped out? I thought it was the same standards as Ebay?
We're all moved in...sort of. Our stuff is still kinda everywhere but at least none of it is at the other house. I don't miss the other house. Sometimes, before I get in the shower I'm like "Crap! Where are my flipflops!" Then I remember the shower here isn't scary. And that makes me smile.
I'm supposed to start school the 27th. I'm simply finishing the old degree I started about five years ago (yes, I should have graduated by now, but I wanted to do some other stuff first, haha). And I'm now thinking, since I have to wait at least a year now to join USAF, that I may just wait two years and go straight into Officer Training School (OTS). The benefits are much better. I still haven't decided.
Also, I've said Good-bye Ruby Tuesday for the very last time. The management there was horrendous. I don't even feel like going into it but it sucked. The people sucked, and they expected me to pull a couple of double shifts every week not to mention their idea of a regular shift was about 9 to 10 hrs anyway. If you know much about serving jobs, they typically only schedule maybe 5 - 7 hr shifts because the work is non-stop. It wasn't that so much as all the attitude I was constantly catching from everyone there. Blah. Whatever. They suck and for future reference, they will touch your food with no gloves on. So don't go to the one in Rehoboth.
Well that's kind of the update. I forget what else I was going to say since Josh just walked in and reminded me of like five things I'm supposed to be doing (not really, just his presence reminded me).
But I do have a question. Why do things you order from Amazon always take a month to get shipped out? I thought it was the same standards as Ebay?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Clarity
So I feel like I need to explain myself. I hate explaining myself and I hardly ever do it because I'm just one of those hard headed people that believes I have a right to just be me. I'll grant you the same right, as long as you being you doesn't interfere with me being me...haha.
Though honestly, ask Josh, I have no problem with apologizing later if I realize I'm wrong.
Anyway. Gaw - I'm doing a lot of explaining. Maybe all the heat and moving are making me delirious. In light of some recent events, I feel like I need to remind myself (and maybe a few others) that I really am a nice person. Really. Despite all my complaining, I really do love people. I'm very forgiving, understanding, and I like to extend a hand to people who have made some mistakes in the past. I'm not afraid of "bad" people. (Stupid people I can't stand, but that's another thing all together.)
It's just that my family is kind of the exception to all my rules. So if I feel like some "bad" people are going to interfere with the people I love, I can get pretty aggressive. Sometimes, a little too aggressive. Like when I forget that Sam's little friends are only 13. They don't mean what they say and do anymore than Riley does, sometimes. Not that I've done anything to any of her friends, of course. But I've thought about it. I really can't help the thoughts and feelings that pop up in my mind when I get all hyper-protective. I've tried. If I were ever to get counseling, it'd be for something like that. hah. But I won't, the Air Force doesn't look kindly on visits to the Shrink.
Ok, ok. So here's what really happened. Around the time I found out we were having Riley, my brother got this awful girl friend. She was the poster child for crazy Sussex County women. She was so jealous, she didn't allow Mike to talk to me and kept deleting messages and emails I wrote to him. So I flipped out on her. I was so angry (and, in my defense, hormonal) that I was sure, had she been around, things would have gotten physical. (Who knows, but that's how mad I was) I said to her, "Whatever, you'll be gone by next Christmas." And I was right. It turned out she'd been using drugs and sleeping with every guy within a 20 mile radius so my brother was quick to dump her.
And I actually have a pretty soft place in my heart for girls like her. But not when they date my brother, you dig?
Anyway, now she's back. Kind of. I don't really know what's going on because Mike denies dating her but she's been contacting him and just basically getting on my last nerve. So I wrote her a note (Myspace = evil.) and I basically said not to let me catch her around my parent's house. Last time I restrained myself out of respect for Mike, but I don't plan to this time. She was mean to the kids, completely anti-social, and of course the ringer being she's a real life crack head.
It's not that I feel bad about what I said to her because I meant every word. I regret that it wasn't as well written as it could have been, but that's about it. I just feel like, after everything that's happened since we've moved down here, I haven't had a chance to show my good side. I mean it's been drama after drama. I don't believe Josh and I have asked for it either, we're pretty low key. I'm really itching to do something nice for somebody.
So...anybody need anything while I'm out?
Though honestly, ask Josh, I have no problem with apologizing later if I realize I'm wrong.
Anyway. Gaw - I'm doing a lot of explaining. Maybe all the heat and moving are making me delirious. In light of some recent events, I feel like I need to remind myself (and maybe a few others) that I really am a nice person. Really. Despite all my complaining, I really do love people. I'm very forgiving, understanding, and I like to extend a hand to people who have made some mistakes in the past. I'm not afraid of "bad" people. (Stupid people I can't stand, but that's another thing all together.)
It's just that my family is kind of the exception to all my rules. So if I feel like some "bad" people are going to interfere with the people I love, I can get pretty aggressive. Sometimes, a little too aggressive. Like when I forget that Sam's little friends are only 13. They don't mean what they say and do anymore than Riley does, sometimes. Not that I've done anything to any of her friends, of course. But I've thought about it. I really can't help the thoughts and feelings that pop up in my mind when I get all hyper-protective. I've tried. If I were ever to get counseling, it'd be for something like that. hah. But I won't, the Air Force doesn't look kindly on visits to the Shrink.
Ok, ok. So here's what really happened. Around the time I found out we were having Riley, my brother got this awful girl friend. She was the poster child for crazy Sussex County women. She was so jealous, she didn't allow Mike to talk to me and kept deleting messages and emails I wrote to him. So I flipped out on her. I was so angry (and, in my defense, hormonal) that I was sure, had she been around, things would have gotten physical. (Who knows, but that's how mad I was) I said to her, "Whatever, you'll be gone by next Christmas." And I was right. It turned out she'd been using drugs and sleeping with every guy within a 20 mile radius so my brother was quick to dump her.
And I actually have a pretty soft place in my heart for girls like her. But not when they date my brother, you dig?
Anyway, now she's back. Kind of. I don't really know what's going on because Mike denies dating her but she's been contacting him and just basically getting on my last nerve. So I wrote her a note (Myspace = evil.) and I basically said not to let me catch her around my parent's house. Last time I restrained myself out of respect for Mike, but I don't plan to this time. She was mean to the kids, completely anti-social, and of course the ringer being she's a real life crack head.
It's not that I feel bad about what I said to her because I meant every word. I regret that it wasn't as well written as it could have been, but that's about it. I just feel like, after everything that's happened since we've moved down here, I haven't had a chance to show my good side. I mean it's been drama after drama. I don't believe Josh and I have asked for it either, we're pretty low key. I'm really itching to do something nice for somebody.
So...anybody need anything while I'm out?
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