Ron the Rhino

...or whatever his name is. He's a pesky little bugger who has inspired me to write today.

He actually inspires me to do a lot of things. Like, rip my hair out, curse at the sky, throw a knife a the computer screen. Stuff like that.

You've probably guessed it. He's a forums member. Josh hears all my forums stories and so he has come to believe that there are only jerks and retards who post in forums. That's not really true. The truth is, I only talk to the jerks and retards because most of the time its pretty fun. Until, you meet someone like Ron. (I'll just call him that since it kinda starts like Ron but he's from some other country so I'm not really sure what the rest of it is).

Here are the forums personalities as I've come to know them:

*The Whiner - This person clouds the forums with mod complains, suicidal threats, health concerns and other pointless crap. They are the emo kids of the forums

*Sarcastic Jerks - that's me. I basically wander the forums pointing out where people have said something irresistibly stupid, making fun of people who take themselves too seriously, bringing humor to serious topics. Our motto is, "It's the internet. Get over it."

*The Essayist - This guy writes books when he posts. He kinda needs a blog. It's not okay to make posts that put people to sleep in a forum. Nobody ever knows what this guy is talking about because you can't make it through his friggin post.

*The Intellectual - The guy who knows it all. Really, he's just a skilled Google/Wikipedia user. This guy can argue religion, politics, fashion, whatever. He tends to do a lot of research, make one very informed post, and then leave. You never hear from him again no matter how hard you argue.

*The Political Commentator - I fall under this category a little, though as I said before my posts are more sarcastic than anything. This person knows all things politics, especially American. I use the term "knows" very loosely because he's usually the kind of person who will just claim "Bush is a tard! My mom hates him." as a very solid argument.

*The Joker - Uses the laughing emote way too much. Is sickeningly over-positive. This person can be a breath of fresh air if you've gotten involved in too many forums fights recently.

*The Picture Whore - I think the name says it all. This person believes they are incredibly sexy and posts their picture just about anywhere they can (and some places they can't). They are usually starved for attention and can be identified by their threads asking "Am I hawt? Vote!"

*The Illiterate - This goes way beyond a few misspelled words. This person replaces "that" with "dat". In the most extreme cases, you can't even be sure what they are talking about because not only is heavy slang used, but their grammar is completely skewed. Like The Essayist, this persons posts are rarely ever read in full.

*Ron - He gets his own category. I've never met another poster like him. He claims that I'm stalking him, yet if you were to see the forums you'd notice that his posts come AFTER mine. I must be some stalker if I can predict his next move. Obviously his ego is the size of the Empire State building. He is ALWAYS right, no matter if he is or not, and he closes every post to me with "You lose." He calls everything a debate. You can't just have a conversation with this person, it's a constant battle. It's extremely exhausting. He'll call me every name in the book, pester me until I want to scream, and when I finally forget I'm a lady and rip into him, he claims "You're so shallow! You don't know me! I'm a computer genius and I'm going to give you a virus if you're not nice!"

Needless to say, he's also a liberal. He rarely posts anywhere except for the Debate or politics forums. He is THE source for information on American politics, though he's not even an American. According to him, Americans are egotistical, greedy, slime of the earth. Yet, he is obsessed with us. If that doesn't prove he's an idiot, let me just say this: He wants Hillary for president in '08.

So there you have it. I'm sure I've missed some, but those are the general personalities of the forums. Most of the time I actually have fun, sometimes I'm even educated a little. Ron makes my life difficult, but he is a source of entertainment also. He's the biggest 'tard I've ever come across and he's completely impossible. He takes my insults and uses them. If I call him an egotistical bastard, he calls me a fatherless egotistical. (which doesn't really make any sense). I don't even know what country he's from, but I'm pretty sure it's Brazil.

At the moment, I'm having fun in a rather old school, play ground type argument with him. I'm still immature enough to throw personal slams at people I don't know. He's stupid enough to respond to me...every time. The only reason I stick around is because I can tell by his posts that he is very upset with all the !!!! he uses. I find it amusing that he's worried about what a faceless internet person has to say about him. I guess I have a problem. I probably shouldn't pick on people like that. :-[

I'm still waiting on that virus.