A good man is hard to find

I really hate to put two negative posts back to back like this, but I can guarantee I am in a far better mood this time than I was with the previous post. The reasons for this are two fold:

1. I have been abandoned yet again, but this time I can tell myself it's not really my problem. It IS problem, but at least it doesn't rub itself in my face daily by the presence of an empty seat at the dinner table.
2. I have just returned from leaving my paper route in the hands of some other poor sap. And he was afraid he wouldn't get the job. I would have given it to a monkey at this point.

So since I really hate my sad face, I've put on my "screw you" face and now I'm just angry. The fact that I have a child and he requires me to be somewhat of a normal person is the only thing that keeps me from basically just giving the world the finger right now. But my attitude has admittedly changed. So much so that I actually exacted a little revenge on one of my more annoying customers last night on my last run on the route. Hah, let me explain.

This one guy apparently has nothing better to do than wake up every morning and analyze the positioning of the news paper in his mail box. He made it very clear from the beginning that he wanted to have the paper IN his mail box everyday and NOT in his driveway. Upon receiving that message, I have always put the paper in the box, not like it's a huge deal or anything. At least, not to any normal human being. This guy also has a very charming way of tipping me the grand total of one dollar every month. While I think this is almost a waste of time, it never really bothered me.

Until this month when he only tipped .50 cents. He wrote this nasty little note on the bill saying one day I did not put the paper in the box when I know for a fact I did. It's not friggin rocket science. So he said he was taking half of my tip because of it. I found this extremely offensive. Why even bother?! I don't need your friggin fifty cents you decrepit old geezer! At that moment I devised a plan. Something small, perfectly legal and he probably wouldn't even get it but it would mean something to ME. So yesterday morning I dropped the paper in his DRIVEWAY with two shiny quarters on top of it. Sit on THAT and spin, Mr. Mason.

But on to my reason for this title. It's kind of my policy not to get into the details of anyone else's personal life in my blog, I just don't think I have a right to do that. You can probably figure out the gist of what has happened by my description of what is going on in my head right now, but I am admitting nothing about the actual events.

I am no fool. I know I have a good thing in Josh. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, he is the exception, not the rule. It has been my experience that when a man is presented by an opportunity that seems more intriguingly at the moment, and given the choice between me and that opportunity, he will always choose something else. No matter what it is. Even if it's a big, fat, over-tanned bleach blonde lolly-pop. Or in the other case, drugs and alcohol.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this, but it is only counter-balanced by the wonderful home life I have now. It's a shame I can't say the same for my first nineteen years. Yes, I'd love to leave all of it behind me but it seems to just keep piling up though I've been away from "home" for several years now. I'm not going to pretend that I'm the only one who has been hurt by all this either. I know my mother and Mike especially are hurt too. And hurt is pretty much the understatement of the century. There are plenty of people with "daddy issues" out there (which only further proves to me that they are all pretty much deserters in the end) but I don't know of anyone but us who has been burned TWICE. Doesn't that just seem like a little over-kill? I mean, wasn't there some other poor, unsuspecting family out there who could have taken the hit this time?

I won't ever trust this particular man with my heart again especially since he recently broke it about a month ago. I actually gave him a second chance, which I NEVER do. I'm sorry, but I'm not Jesus. Burn me once shame on you but burn me twice...well it aint gonna happen. Except in this case. It's just amazing the gaping hole that the absence of a father leaves on someone. I really wanted someone to call me "sweetheart" and love me like only a dad can. So much for that.

If I'm getting too personal, sue me.

At this point I'm wishing Riley hadn't been a C-section so that I could go on to have ten boys and raise them all up like decent men so the world would have somewhat of a fighting chance. Ten good daddies in the future is something to live for. The best I can hope for now are two more boys, since they only let you have three surgeries. The Sammons have a pretty good track record for producing males so...here's hoping.

Well, here's my little man now. I don't even have a good line to end this on.

My bad.