***The topic for this blog came to me a few days ago and even though I'm not sure who, if anyone comes across this little piece of the world wide web, I sometimes struggle with over-playing some of my most important topics. So I struggled with whether or not to write this and I finally came up with the conclusion that as far as my beliefs go, I haven't done much to fight for them. Blogging is probably the most ridiculous thing I could do, but it is something. So I write.
Today I'm going to attempt something that I've never done before. Nor do I have any other writings to draw inspiration from. The thoughts to follow came from my own mind just a few days ago, as I said before. I have done my best to follow up all of my facts with credible sources.***
I have argued this topic more times than I can count. I've written papers, participated in protests and debates and I've had personal arguments with people I've come in contact with. I've argued my points from the perspectives of both religion and science. From my experiences I have learned one thing, people do not want to be convinced.
I think this is a truth that stands with any topic, but especially one that tends to create such bad blood as this. It seems, from my experience, that people who are on opposite sides of this debate really hate each other. I've had people call me horrible names, though I'd never return the favor. They diminished me personally, and my beliefs. I don't believe that this is a proper way to debate. I think these reactions come from strong feelings of hate, and I still to this day do not understand it.
But today I try a new approach. I don't want to argue for life from the prospectives of either religion or science as neither one has worked in the past. Today I ask you to look at the facts of the past actions of our government; and I ask you to look at yourself and your fellow Americans in a new light. We are one. They want us to forget that we out number them. In the past, our forefathers would not have stood for such blatant disregard for democracy. I don't think we should, either. Never in the history of our country has there been such a loss of power among the voting public.
There are several key points that pro-choicers bring up every time I talk to them. They're first argument is that abortion is a woman's choice and that a fetus is not a baby. I ask you this, does science make a baby, or do we? The basis for my question comes from a recent court case from Missouri (Willis Bailey, Appellant, v. State of Missouri, Respondent. 8-02-05). This case is an appeal from a man charged with murder when he stabbed and killed a woman he knew was three months pregnant (within the legal realm of abortion). He asks the court to reconsider as there is "no factual basis to support his guilty pleas relating to the unborn child".
Division Three holds: An unborn child is a person for purposes of first-degree murder, and Bailey's deliberation on and intent to kill a woman he knew was pregnant necessarily included deliberation on and intent to kill the unborn child. He was charged with two counts of first degree murder. (By the way, the baby was his, and he was aware of this fact.)
This case, taken place many years after Roe v. Wade has been alive and well, has decided that the killing of an unborn child, in the first term in fact, is murder. Why? How is this different than if the same woman had gone to an abortion clinic and aborted the child of her own will? Probably because of those last four words "of her own will." I believe that this definition completely squashes the entire pro-choice argument. To say a fetus is not a baby based on scientific "fact" (sorry about the air quotes but, it simply is not fact) is one thing. But to say a fetus is a baby only if the mother decides that it is, is quite another. It either is, or it isn't.
Scott Peterson was charged with the murders of both his wife and his unborn child. Laci Peterson was eight months pregnant at the time of her murder. I mention this in order to cover both ends of the spectrum. You could argue that I didn't bring up a case involving a woman in her second trimester, but to that I say what is the difference? Does a fetus suddenly become inhuman between the fourth and seventh month and then human once more in the eighth? I think not.
My point in bringing this up is such: I have many theories as to why the government would want abortion to remain legal. I also believe that it will always be legal, as much as that saddens me to say. I just don't see a change in the future. But I also believe that most Americans are not aware of just how important case law is. The judicial branch is in place to check the executive and legislative branches. Roe v. Wade occurred a long time ago and case law has since reversed it. The only reason it is now still in place is that of politics. I'm sure you've noticed that no one talks about abortion more than every four years when we have primaries and elections. Politicians know, and intentionally keep, abortion as a hot topic in order to gain votes.
I don't think it's a matter of science or principal anymore, friends; I think it's a matter of politics.
Now because I've started this discussion, I'd like to go ahead and bring up (and squash) a few more of the opposing arguments while I'm at it. The political discussion is my main point, as I don't think the rest of this matters, but I'll do it anyway since I have your attention.
After arguing that abortion is a mother's choice and that a fetus is not a baby, pro-choicers will usually take the "unwanted child and child abuse" stance. Roe v. Wade made abortion legal in 1973. Since then there have been babies found in trash cans, toilets, and under beds. There have been countless cases of child abuse and neglect and deaths resulting from such. I don't think abortion being legal has changed anything. Sadly, some people are very ill and will have children and beat them or murder them regardless of what the law allows. Those who want abortions, get them. Right now, the law allows for a woman to abort a baby and never even tell the father. It allows teenagers to get abortions without parental consent (in most states). If abortion were a solution, there'd be no reason for me to have to read about babies dying in trash cans, or children beaten or neglected by uncaring parents. Deserving families wait on lists for months, even years, for a baby to be born and put into the adoption system. All this being said, the unwanted child argument simply cannot stand.
The third argument I hear the most is that if abortion is made illegal, women will have to go under ground to get it done and that is very dangerous. I wonder, in these days of extremely convenient malpractice suits, how many doctors would be willing to sacrifice their licenses to do underground abortions for (what the pro-choicers call) poor, scared teenage girls. I'm willing to bet very few would. Those who did would surely eventually be sued by women who were unable to get pregnant again, or who later regretted their decision, thus ending the under ground abortion railroad, if you will.
Now that I've said what I've come to say, I ask you just consider the validity of the points made, especially those involving the court cases I mentioned. I don't think these are facts that we should sit on and say, "Well that's nice, but nothings going to change." Things may never change, that is true, but I don't want to be someone who didn't try.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Friday, November 02, 2007
My kid is better than yours
Don't try to argue. It's official.
Everybody told me before he was born that all parents, new parents especially, think their kid is the brightest, smartest, cutest, most amazing thing ever to grace the planet. I thought, how incredibly naive when the world has already produced such genius as Galileo and Mozart and Einstein. Sure, your kid is great, but you have no idea what he'll grow up to be.
I'm not saying I know Riley's future but I can tell you if he doesn't go into medicine or engineering or something equally amazing, it will be a waste of his fantasitcal brain.
And now I sound like one of those parents.
But honestly I'm not. I've been very down to earth about the whole thing. We noticed he was pretty special very early on, but we thought we were imagining it just like they said we would. Then other people started telling us his hand-eye coordination was amazing and that he shouldn't be able to do this or that yet.
He doesn't say many words, but I know for a fact he understands just about every word I say. I know this, because he'll bring me what I'm talking about, or answer my questions. (Who are we going to see, Riley? Dada!) So yes, I've been very cautious at labeling him a genius up until now. Even now I think I'm going to sound ridiculous but it's just my blog. I could say whatever I wanted to, honestly. But I really do think he's got something. Something amazing.
I get a presence of wisdom from him sometimes that simply floors me. I know he's an infant, but if I believed in past lives I'd probably say he's an old soul. Once when he was much younger, someone said to me "He smiles like he knows something, but he's not telling."
Sure, he still poops his pants. He runs into things and gets extremely frustrated when he can't do something. He throws random fits, takes naps, refuses food, everything a normal 18 month old would do. But he's still special. You just have to meet him to know that.
I often consider the way he came into the world. A series of seemingly random events that all lead up to this perfectly amazing, healthy child. It almost wasn't such a happy ending.
They diagnosed me with diabetes fairly late in my pregnancy. Riley was already quite large. I was so worried because this could mean he'd come out over weight or with diabetes or heart disease. I had to get sonograms every week to make sure he wasn't getting lethargic or worse. They monitored his heart very closesly and it was very important that he did 5 specific moves every week, or else I'd have to go to the hospital for a more intense stress test. But the little guy pulled through every week for over a month. I never had to get the stress test. Still, I worried.
I was so intesely concerned infact, that my mom had to keep calming me down. I'd have to say it's the worse off I'd ever been. Nothing anybody could say made me feel any better.
One day I was thinking, Why God? Why did this happen? What did I do? What if, what if, what if. And I suddenly felt this peace over me and I just knew that he was going to be ok. Not just ok, great. And I knew, somehow, that it wasn't just for the pregnancy or birth. I felt like God was saying he had a plan for him, and that I didn't need to worry about his future at all.
And I haven't, ever since.
I think I described before what happened before his birth, but I'll say it again because this is a Riley story, and I don't think all these facts have been put down in one place before. For some reason, he hadn't dropped down into the birth canal even two weeks after my due date. The doctors didn't know why, but they knew he needed to come out. They gave me the option of a c-section and having labor induced. I was scared to death of both options, but the c-section especially. The doctors said that since they had no idea why he hadn't come yet, they couldn't offer any advice as to what I should do. They left it up to us.
The doctor left us alone to talk about it and I remember saying to Josh, half crying, that I knew I needed the c-section. Even though it was an option I had refused to educate myself about during the pregnancy, because it was just too scary. We told the doctor, had the operation and it turned out that Riley's cord had been wrapped around his neck. Twice.
I'm not sure if you know what this kind of condition can do to a newborn if forced down the birthcanal with limited oxygen, but the options are pretty much one form of retardation or another.
So you see, it's not just me who thought Riley's intelligence would be something of importance in his life.
There's something about that guy.
Everybody told me before he was born that all parents, new parents especially, think their kid is the brightest, smartest, cutest, most amazing thing ever to grace the planet. I thought, how incredibly naive when the world has already produced such genius as Galileo and Mozart and Einstein. Sure, your kid is great, but you have no idea what he'll grow up to be.
I'm not saying I know Riley's future but I can tell you if he doesn't go into medicine or engineering or something equally amazing, it will be a waste of his fantasitcal brain.
And now I sound like one of those parents.
But honestly I'm not. I've been very down to earth about the whole thing. We noticed he was pretty special very early on, but we thought we were imagining it just like they said we would. Then other people started telling us his hand-eye coordination was amazing and that he shouldn't be able to do this or that yet.
He doesn't say many words, but I know for a fact he understands just about every word I say. I know this, because he'll bring me what I'm talking about, or answer my questions. (Who are we going to see, Riley? Dada!) So yes, I've been very cautious at labeling him a genius up until now. Even now I think I'm going to sound ridiculous but it's just my blog. I could say whatever I wanted to, honestly. But I really do think he's got something. Something amazing.
I get a presence of wisdom from him sometimes that simply floors me. I know he's an infant, but if I believed in past lives I'd probably say he's an old soul. Once when he was much younger, someone said to me "He smiles like he knows something, but he's not telling."
Sure, he still poops his pants. He runs into things and gets extremely frustrated when he can't do something. He throws random fits, takes naps, refuses food, everything a normal 18 month old would do. But he's still special. You just have to meet him to know that.
I often consider the way he came into the world. A series of seemingly random events that all lead up to this perfectly amazing, healthy child. It almost wasn't such a happy ending.
They diagnosed me with diabetes fairly late in my pregnancy. Riley was already quite large. I was so worried because this could mean he'd come out over weight or with diabetes or heart disease. I had to get sonograms every week to make sure he wasn't getting lethargic or worse. They monitored his heart very closesly and it was very important that he did 5 specific moves every week, or else I'd have to go to the hospital for a more intense stress test. But the little guy pulled through every week for over a month. I never had to get the stress test. Still, I worried.
I was so intesely concerned infact, that my mom had to keep calming me down. I'd have to say it's the worse off I'd ever been. Nothing anybody could say made me feel any better.
One day I was thinking, Why God? Why did this happen? What did I do? What if, what if, what if. And I suddenly felt this peace over me and I just knew that he was going to be ok. Not just ok, great. And I knew, somehow, that it wasn't just for the pregnancy or birth. I felt like God was saying he had a plan for him, and that I didn't need to worry about his future at all.
And I haven't, ever since.
I think I described before what happened before his birth, but I'll say it again because this is a Riley story, and I don't think all these facts have been put down in one place before. For some reason, he hadn't dropped down into the birth canal even two weeks after my due date. The doctors didn't know why, but they knew he needed to come out. They gave me the option of a c-section and having labor induced. I was scared to death of both options, but the c-section especially. The doctors said that since they had no idea why he hadn't come yet, they couldn't offer any advice as to what I should do. They left it up to us.
The doctor left us alone to talk about it and I remember saying to Josh, half crying, that I knew I needed the c-section. Even though it was an option I had refused to educate myself about during the pregnancy, because it was just too scary. We told the doctor, had the operation and it turned out that Riley's cord had been wrapped around his neck. Twice.
I'm not sure if you know what this kind of condition can do to a newborn if forced down the birthcanal with limited oxygen, but the options are pretty much one form of retardation or another.
So you see, it's not just me who thought Riley's intelligence would be something of importance in his life.
There's something about that guy.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Gah!
I'm quite aware that life is not fair. I think you learn that as soon as you start school and you realize your whole life isn't just about naps and cookies and Christmas.
I'm not so surprised when bad things happen to good people. That's just life. It's a sinful world and the actions of bad people are bound to touch the innocent. If not, there wouldn't be crack babies. I mean, honestly.
But what does surprise and irritate the hell out of me is the fact that good things happen to bad people. Where's the justice in that? I've been told time and again that God does not cause bad things to happen to people, he allows it. I don't understand that, but it makes more sense than a supposedly just God allowing good things to happen to people who certainly do not deserve it.
Yes, I believe in punishment. Josh even goes so far as to call me "mean" when I believe people have done wrong and they need to feel the consequences of those actions. I'm not saying that I think I have the right to do the punishing. I never do. Though, if given the chance, I will verbally put people in place who offend me or my loved ones. But that's not what I mean.
I mean whatever happened to plagues and turning people into pillars of salt? Haha...but seriously.
I know I've done some bad things. But really, I haven't. I've never intentionally harmed anyone. I've never gone out of my way to do the wrong thing. I'm the good girl, believe it or not. Yeah, we got into some harmless trouble as kids. No, I didn't wait until I was 21 to have my first drink. I'm not perfect and I know it. I also believe that I have been punished in this world, and that I have more to come when I die. I just know that's how it works.
So how is it that good things happen to bad people? Why??
I just don't have the answer today. Maybe I never will.
I'm not so surprised when bad things happen to good people. That's just life. It's a sinful world and the actions of bad people are bound to touch the innocent. If not, there wouldn't be crack babies. I mean, honestly.
But what does surprise and irritate the hell out of me is the fact that good things happen to bad people. Where's the justice in that? I've been told time and again that God does not cause bad things to happen to people, he allows it. I don't understand that, but it makes more sense than a supposedly just God allowing good things to happen to people who certainly do not deserve it.
Yes, I believe in punishment. Josh even goes so far as to call me "mean" when I believe people have done wrong and they need to feel the consequences of those actions. I'm not saying that I think I have the right to do the punishing. I never do. Though, if given the chance, I will verbally put people in place who offend me or my loved ones. But that's not what I mean.
I mean whatever happened to plagues and turning people into pillars of salt? Haha...but seriously.
I know I've done some bad things. But really, I haven't. I've never intentionally harmed anyone. I've never gone out of my way to do the wrong thing. I'm the good girl, believe it or not. Yeah, we got into some harmless trouble as kids. No, I didn't wait until I was 21 to have my first drink. I'm not perfect and I know it. I also believe that I have been punished in this world, and that I have more to come when I die. I just know that's how it works.
So how is it that good things happen to bad people? Why??
I just don't have the answer today. Maybe I never will.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Gay, much?
Well I'm totally excited. Ann's coming out with a new book. So I'm very happy, even though I haven't made it all the way through a book since I read "What to Expect when you're Expecting" when I was pregnant like...a year and a half ago. That's bad. I'm a book lover, honestly. But one year old little boys are not so much. Unless the pages happen to have textures and cut-outs and pop-ups. And it really does have to be a combination of all three.
But anyway, I somehow stumbled over the news of this book (soon to come) and it inspired me to check out some of her articles which I haven't done in literally forever. I'm not totally uninformed because we've started to watch the O'Reilly Factor (for which I'll have to comment later. I like it, but I'm not a huge fan). Television is more accessible because I can be cleaning, changing diapers, and playing with Legos and listen at the same time. Maybe I'll order Ann's new book on CD. That worked last time.
But I ran in to her recent article titled "Taze him, bro!". Haha. If you haven't heard of that incident then really, get your head out of your ass. The article wasn't really about that, it was about the Iranian president (Ahmadijad? haha...I don't really care) visiting and giving a speech at Columbia University last week. I find the whole thing pretty ridiculous and offensive, and so does she, but what struck me was this quote from the president:
Responding to a question about Iran's execution of homosexuals, Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals, like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have it."
The truth is they don't call it gay sex there. They just call it sex.
(By the way, none of the following information is from Ann, these are things I've researched myself).
If you haven't noticed, Middle Eastern men are, to put it mildly, a bit sexist. But it doesn't stop there. Their culture and religion do not allow the women to look like anything other than a burlap sack, really. You see, their belief is that women are only for reproduction. Sex for pleasure? Well that's reserved for the people who really deserve it.
That's right. The guys. Buddies. They're all about the gay sex.
But it's not homosexuality. It's just...sex. haha. Right.
Yeah, but anyway, if you didn't hear the speech or anything about it, it's pretty funny. I mean, you have to have a sense of humor about these things. Apparently, he didn't feel like he was greeted in America with much respect. Though I don't know why he would expect that. He also wants to visit Ground Zero in New York and he wants to make a big deal about it. He's pretty offended that we haven't allowed him that little treasure yet either.
Personally, I think we should. I mean, who could be blamed for his death at the hands of an angry New York mob? It's pretty much your own fault for getting caught up in it.
So I have to go. Riley's playing guitar. Standing up. Alone.
But anyway, I somehow stumbled over the news of this book (soon to come) and it inspired me to check out some of her articles which I haven't done in literally forever. I'm not totally uninformed because we've started to watch the O'Reilly Factor (for which I'll have to comment later. I like it, but I'm not a huge fan). Television is more accessible because I can be cleaning, changing diapers, and playing with Legos and listen at the same time. Maybe I'll order Ann's new book on CD. That worked last time.
But I ran in to her recent article titled "Taze him, bro!". Haha. If you haven't heard of that incident then really, get your head out of your ass. The article wasn't really about that, it was about the Iranian president (Ahmadijad? haha...I don't really care) visiting and giving a speech at Columbia University last week. I find the whole thing pretty ridiculous and offensive, and so does she, but what struck me was this quote from the president:
Responding to a question about Iran's execution of homosexuals, Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran: "In Iran we don't have homosexuals, like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have it."
The truth is they don't call it gay sex there. They just call it sex.
(By the way, none of the following information is from Ann, these are things I've researched myself).
If you haven't noticed, Middle Eastern men are, to put it mildly, a bit sexist. But it doesn't stop there. Their culture and religion do not allow the women to look like anything other than a burlap sack, really. You see, their belief is that women are only for reproduction. Sex for pleasure? Well that's reserved for the people who really deserve it.
That's right. The guys. Buddies. They're all about the gay sex.
But it's not homosexuality. It's just...sex. haha. Right.
Yeah, but anyway, if you didn't hear the speech or anything about it, it's pretty funny. I mean, you have to have a sense of humor about these things. Apparently, he didn't feel like he was greeted in America with much respect. Though I don't know why he would expect that. He also wants to visit Ground Zero in New York and he wants to make a big deal about it. He's pretty offended that we haven't allowed him that little treasure yet either.
Personally, I think we should. I mean, who could be blamed for his death at the hands of an angry New York mob? It's pretty much your own fault for getting caught up in it.
So I have to go. Riley's playing guitar. Standing up. Alone.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Rocks and places of extreme density
Ugh. I have a decision to make. I'm pretty sure I've actually made it, but I feel like I need to have one of those hard talks with someone I love. And I'm also pretty sure it will only piss them off and they won't listen to a word I say. I hate those talks. But I also feel that there's no point in believing in things if you're not going to stand up for them when the time comes.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Moving, Mosh pits, and More
I forgot to look at my last post so I'm not real sure what I wrote about. Sorry if I repeat stuff.
But I had to lay down my mosh pit experience because it was pretty intense. And actually pretty short. So I guess I really mean the entire Dropkick Murphy's experience which was just pretty much amazing.
Well the power was out in all of Dewey and I believe it was around 100 all that week (which probably had something to do with the electricity failure, but I can't say). Anyway, there we were standing in line wondering if and how they were going to put this show on. The sun had been down for about an hour but it was still 94 and humid. The only thing to drink were semi-cold beers being sold from a cooler from the liquor store next to the Bottle and Cork. People were getting pretty rowdy already. If you don't know from experience, you should research the effects of alcohol comsumed in the heat. It seems to do one of two things to people, make them sick, or make them crazy. Since we were in line for an Irish punk rock show, most people were the latter.
We finally made it inside and people were every where. The place was sold out, packed and HOT. There really was no other word for it. The only thing to drink, unless you stuck your head under a faucet in the bathroom was again, beer. Also sold in only semi-cold cans and bottles. There was a cool old school type reggae punk band before the Murphy's but...darned if I remember their name. I knew I should have gotten a t-shirt. haha.
We pushed our way to the front of the crowd because, well, there were signs everywhere delcaring "No Moshing!" so we thought we were pretty safe. But as the Murphy's struck the first note to the first song, the entire crowd seemed to collapse inward. All of us were, somehow, thrown into the Pit. I was sure I was dead. I know that before the song started, I had been standing up right but a few seconds later I was pretty much laying down, levitating above a sea of sweaty bodies. I turned and clung to the closest person to me, hoping with all my heart it was Josh. He tugged me away from who ever was pulling me into the Pit and got us just past the front line of people who were not half naked and flailing. Whew. It was Josh.
Immediately I scanned the crowd for my mother. She wasn't coupled that night, except for my brother whom I assumed was enjoying the craziness near the stage. I found her as one of Mike's huge friends was rescuing her from the mess. The three of us assumed a position of self defense behind a couple of guys that had to be atleast 6'5 and 350 lbs. haha. Something like that. They pretty much protected us until we left but we had to kick a couple of rogue moshers who were unfortunate enough to come into contact with us. Seriously. It's their fault for being drunk and stupid.
Anyway, there was of course more drama later on in the night. Nothing quite as fun as the original Mosh clash. I won't get into that because it's not really worth it. The music was fantastic. The band played as if they weren't running off of generators, I mean besides the heat and the warm beer I don't think you'd have known. Yeah. I definitely should have gotten a t-shirt.
So yeah, we're all moved in. Well, our stuff is here and the old house is completely out of our lives. I won't get in to some of the drama with that either because it's old news. And frankly, not worth my time.
Going back to school on Monday and I really can't wait. Unfortunately, (and yet, not all that surprisingly) I've already run into a few possibly well-meaning people who don't think I can do it. To them I say this: I am only 22. Only. There may be some geeks (haha) my age who (think) they have their lives all figured out and well, good for them. Not me. I took my teens and the beginning of my twenties to figure out some things. I still don't have it figured out. Do I have to? No! I mean, I think it's almost ridiculous to expect someone my age to know everything. ( I mean, especially since you spent my teenage years telling me I didn't know squat!) I haven't been messing around. I haven't been getting in to trouble. I've been experiencing life and learning from those experiences. I went to college when I was 17, just like everyone else I knew. I wasn't ready yet. Plus, I didn't have mommy and daddy backing me with funds the entire time. That complicates things. I really had to fight for the two years I got, and Josh and I still do to this day. Any way it turns out, it's worth it. Because that's life. And you only get one.
As for the Air Force, I know that scares the be-jeezus out of the people who don't believe in me. Again, I don't really care. It's my life. Besides, I know that if it is something I decided to do, I will be awesome at it. You see, drive, dedication, motivation and ability have never been the problem for me. It's simply been indecision and a little lack in self confidence. (Is that so hard to understand? I've said on numerous occasions that my husband is the one and only person in this world, in my life, who has believed in me. Which is why he means more to me than anything.)
I'm sure now that I can do whatever I want to do. I have only to decide.
I'll leave you with this quote from Boondock Saints:
The question isn't how far, but whether you've got the constitution to go as far as it takes.
But I had to lay down my mosh pit experience because it was pretty intense. And actually pretty short. So I guess I really mean the entire Dropkick Murphy's experience which was just pretty much amazing.
Well the power was out in all of Dewey and I believe it was around 100 all that week (which probably had something to do with the electricity failure, but I can't say). Anyway, there we were standing in line wondering if and how they were going to put this show on. The sun had been down for about an hour but it was still 94 and humid. The only thing to drink were semi-cold beers being sold from a cooler from the liquor store next to the Bottle and Cork. People were getting pretty rowdy already. If you don't know from experience, you should research the effects of alcohol comsumed in the heat. It seems to do one of two things to people, make them sick, or make them crazy. Since we were in line for an Irish punk rock show, most people were the latter.
We finally made it inside and people were every where. The place was sold out, packed and HOT. There really was no other word for it. The only thing to drink, unless you stuck your head under a faucet in the bathroom was again, beer. Also sold in only semi-cold cans and bottles. There was a cool old school type reggae punk band before the Murphy's but...darned if I remember their name. I knew I should have gotten a t-shirt. haha.
We pushed our way to the front of the crowd because, well, there were signs everywhere delcaring "No Moshing!" so we thought we were pretty safe. But as the Murphy's struck the first note to the first song, the entire crowd seemed to collapse inward. All of us were, somehow, thrown into the Pit. I was sure I was dead. I know that before the song started, I had been standing up right but a few seconds later I was pretty much laying down, levitating above a sea of sweaty bodies. I turned and clung to the closest person to me, hoping with all my heart it was Josh. He tugged me away from who ever was pulling me into the Pit and got us just past the front line of people who were not half naked and flailing. Whew. It was Josh.
Immediately I scanned the crowd for my mother. She wasn't coupled that night, except for my brother whom I assumed was enjoying the craziness near the stage. I found her as one of Mike's huge friends was rescuing her from the mess. The three of us assumed a position of self defense behind a couple of guys that had to be atleast 6'5 and 350 lbs. haha. Something like that. They pretty much protected us until we left but we had to kick a couple of rogue moshers who were unfortunate enough to come into contact with us. Seriously. It's their fault for being drunk and stupid.
Anyway, there was of course more drama later on in the night. Nothing quite as fun as the original Mosh clash. I won't get into that because it's not really worth it. The music was fantastic. The band played as if they weren't running off of generators, I mean besides the heat and the warm beer I don't think you'd have known. Yeah. I definitely should have gotten a t-shirt.
So yeah, we're all moved in. Well, our stuff is here and the old house is completely out of our lives. I won't get in to some of the drama with that either because it's old news. And frankly, not worth my time.
Going back to school on Monday and I really can't wait. Unfortunately, (and yet, not all that surprisingly) I've already run into a few possibly well-meaning people who don't think I can do it. To them I say this: I am only 22. Only. There may be some geeks (haha) my age who (think) they have their lives all figured out and well, good for them. Not me. I took my teens and the beginning of my twenties to figure out some things. I still don't have it figured out. Do I have to? No! I mean, I think it's almost ridiculous to expect someone my age to know everything. ( I mean, especially since you spent my teenage years telling me I didn't know squat!) I haven't been messing around. I haven't been getting in to trouble. I've been experiencing life and learning from those experiences. I went to college when I was 17, just like everyone else I knew. I wasn't ready yet. Plus, I didn't have mommy and daddy backing me with funds the entire time. That complicates things. I really had to fight for the two years I got, and Josh and I still do to this day. Any way it turns out, it's worth it. Because that's life. And you only get one.
As for the Air Force, I know that scares the be-jeezus out of the people who don't believe in me. Again, I don't really care. It's my life. Besides, I know that if it is something I decided to do, I will be awesome at it. You see, drive, dedication, motivation and ability have never been the problem for me. It's simply been indecision and a little lack in self confidence. (Is that so hard to understand? I've said on numerous occasions that my husband is the one and only person in this world, in my life, who has believed in me. Which is why he means more to me than anything.)
I'm sure now that I can do whatever I want to do. I have only to decide.
I'll leave you with this quote from Boondock Saints:
The question isn't how far, but whether you've got the constitution to go as far as it takes.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Time-less
I guess I kind of left a few things hanging. Not that anyone cares, but here goes.
We're all moved in...sort of. Our stuff is still kinda everywhere but at least none of it is at the other house. I don't miss the other house. Sometimes, before I get in the shower I'm like "Crap! Where are my flipflops!" Then I remember the shower here isn't scary. And that makes me smile.
I'm supposed to start school the 27th. I'm simply finishing the old degree I started about five years ago (yes, I should have graduated by now, but I wanted to do some other stuff first, haha). And I'm now thinking, since I have to wait at least a year now to join USAF, that I may just wait two years and go straight into Officer Training School (OTS). The benefits are much better. I still haven't decided.
Also, I've said Good-bye Ruby Tuesday for the very last time. The management there was horrendous. I don't even feel like going into it but it sucked. The people sucked, and they expected me to pull a couple of double shifts every week not to mention their idea of a regular shift was about 9 to 10 hrs anyway. If you know much about serving jobs, they typically only schedule maybe 5 - 7 hr shifts because the work is non-stop. It wasn't that so much as all the attitude I was constantly catching from everyone there. Blah. Whatever. They suck and for future reference, they will touch your food with no gloves on. So don't go to the one in Rehoboth.
Well that's kind of the update. I forget what else I was going to say since Josh just walked in and reminded me of like five things I'm supposed to be doing (not really, just his presence reminded me).
But I do have a question. Why do things you order from Amazon always take a month to get shipped out? I thought it was the same standards as Ebay?
We're all moved in...sort of. Our stuff is still kinda everywhere but at least none of it is at the other house. I don't miss the other house. Sometimes, before I get in the shower I'm like "Crap! Where are my flipflops!" Then I remember the shower here isn't scary. And that makes me smile.
I'm supposed to start school the 27th. I'm simply finishing the old degree I started about five years ago (yes, I should have graduated by now, but I wanted to do some other stuff first, haha). And I'm now thinking, since I have to wait at least a year now to join USAF, that I may just wait two years and go straight into Officer Training School (OTS). The benefits are much better. I still haven't decided.
Also, I've said Good-bye Ruby Tuesday for the very last time. The management there was horrendous. I don't even feel like going into it but it sucked. The people sucked, and they expected me to pull a couple of double shifts every week not to mention their idea of a regular shift was about 9 to 10 hrs anyway. If you know much about serving jobs, they typically only schedule maybe 5 - 7 hr shifts because the work is non-stop. It wasn't that so much as all the attitude I was constantly catching from everyone there. Blah. Whatever. They suck and for future reference, they will touch your food with no gloves on. So don't go to the one in Rehoboth.
Well that's kind of the update. I forget what else I was going to say since Josh just walked in and reminded me of like five things I'm supposed to be doing (not really, just his presence reminded me).
But I do have a question. Why do things you order from Amazon always take a month to get shipped out? I thought it was the same standards as Ebay?
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Clarity
So I feel like I need to explain myself. I hate explaining myself and I hardly ever do it because I'm just one of those hard headed people that believes I have a right to just be me. I'll grant you the same right, as long as you being you doesn't interfere with me being me...haha.
Though honestly, ask Josh, I have no problem with apologizing later if I realize I'm wrong.
Anyway. Gaw - I'm doing a lot of explaining. Maybe all the heat and moving are making me delirious. In light of some recent events, I feel like I need to remind myself (and maybe a few others) that I really am a nice person. Really. Despite all my complaining, I really do love people. I'm very forgiving, understanding, and I like to extend a hand to people who have made some mistakes in the past. I'm not afraid of "bad" people. (Stupid people I can't stand, but that's another thing all together.)
It's just that my family is kind of the exception to all my rules. So if I feel like some "bad" people are going to interfere with the people I love, I can get pretty aggressive. Sometimes, a little too aggressive. Like when I forget that Sam's little friends are only 13. They don't mean what they say and do anymore than Riley does, sometimes. Not that I've done anything to any of her friends, of course. But I've thought about it. I really can't help the thoughts and feelings that pop up in my mind when I get all hyper-protective. I've tried. If I were ever to get counseling, it'd be for something like that. hah. But I won't, the Air Force doesn't look kindly on visits to the Shrink.
Ok, ok. So here's what really happened. Around the time I found out we were having Riley, my brother got this awful girl friend. She was the poster child for crazy Sussex County women. She was so jealous, she didn't allow Mike to talk to me and kept deleting messages and emails I wrote to him. So I flipped out on her. I was so angry (and, in my defense, hormonal) that I was sure, had she been around, things would have gotten physical. (Who knows, but that's how mad I was) I said to her, "Whatever, you'll be gone by next Christmas." And I was right. It turned out she'd been using drugs and sleeping with every guy within a 20 mile radius so my brother was quick to dump her.
And I actually have a pretty soft place in my heart for girls like her. But not when they date my brother, you dig?
Anyway, now she's back. Kind of. I don't really know what's going on because Mike denies dating her but she's been contacting him and just basically getting on my last nerve. So I wrote her a note (Myspace = evil.) and I basically said not to let me catch her around my parent's house. Last time I restrained myself out of respect for Mike, but I don't plan to this time. She was mean to the kids, completely anti-social, and of course the ringer being she's a real life crack head.
It's not that I feel bad about what I said to her because I meant every word. I regret that it wasn't as well written as it could have been, but that's about it. I just feel like, after everything that's happened since we've moved down here, I haven't had a chance to show my good side. I mean it's been drama after drama. I don't believe Josh and I have asked for it either, we're pretty low key. I'm really itching to do something nice for somebody.
So...anybody need anything while I'm out?
Though honestly, ask Josh, I have no problem with apologizing later if I realize I'm wrong.
Anyway. Gaw - I'm doing a lot of explaining. Maybe all the heat and moving are making me delirious. In light of some recent events, I feel like I need to remind myself (and maybe a few others) that I really am a nice person. Really. Despite all my complaining, I really do love people. I'm very forgiving, understanding, and I like to extend a hand to people who have made some mistakes in the past. I'm not afraid of "bad" people. (Stupid people I can't stand, but that's another thing all together.)
It's just that my family is kind of the exception to all my rules. So if I feel like some "bad" people are going to interfere with the people I love, I can get pretty aggressive. Sometimes, a little too aggressive. Like when I forget that Sam's little friends are only 13. They don't mean what they say and do anymore than Riley does, sometimes. Not that I've done anything to any of her friends, of course. But I've thought about it. I really can't help the thoughts and feelings that pop up in my mind when I get all hyper-protective. I've tried. If I were ever to get counseling, it'd be for something like that. hah. But I won't, the Air Force doesn't look kindly on visits to the Shrink.
Ok, ok. So here's what really happened. Around the time I found out we were having Riley, my brother got this awful girl friend. She was the poster child for crazy Sussex County women. She was so jealous, she didn't allow Mike to talk to me and kept deleting messages and emails I wrote to him. So I flipped out on her. I was so angry (and, in my defense, hormonal) that I was sure, had she been around, things would have gotten physical. (Who knows, but that's how mad I was) I said to her, "Whatever, you'll be gone by next Christmas." And I was right. It turned out she'd been using drugs and sleeping with every guy within a 20 mile radius so my brother was quick to dump her.
And I actually have a pretty soft place in my heart for girls like her. But not when they date my brother, you dig?
Anyway, now she's back. Kind of. I don't really know what's going on because Mike denies dating her but she's been contacting him and just basically getting on my last nerve. So I wrote her a note (Myspace = evil.) and I basically said not to let me catch her around my parent's house. Last time I restrained myself out of respect for Mike, but I don't plan to this time. She was mean to the kids, completely anti-social, and of course the ringer being she's a real life crack head.
It's not that I feel bad about what I said to her because I meant every word. I regret that it wasn't as well written as it could have been, but that's about it. I just feel like, after everything that's happened since we've moved down here, I haven't had a chance to show my good side. I mean it's been drama after drama. I don't believe Josh and I have asked for it either, we're pretty low key. I'm really itching to do something nice for somebody.
So...anybody need anything while I'm out?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Dirt Roads
When I was a kid, we lived in this underdeveloped beach community where only the main roads were paved. Our road was a mixture of dirt, sand and small stones. Everyone hated it, except me. It reminded me of the beach and the country and even as a child, I loved the simplicity.
Recently I've been reflecting over all the decisions I've made that have brought me this far in life. Even though I think I have a pretty great life, I believe I am largely untapped. Most of the decisions I've made have been out of fear. If I didn't like a job, I stopped going. When someone turned me down, I went back to things tried and true. I haven't done much branching out since I've been a "grown-up". Mostly because the few times that I did resulted in chaos and heart break.
As Josh and I have recently been backed into sort of a corner, I started really wondering what would be different if I had decided to choose a road less traveled. After a lot of talking and introspection, Josh and I have come to a few decisions. We're going back to those dirt roads I should have taken long ago. We're not taking the easy path anymore, just because it may be more comfortable. We owe it to ourselves and our son to make something of our future. And we're very excited about it.
We're moving. I have never been sad to leave any of our other places, but it is time to move on. Mainly we need to focus on our credit and our finances. They are not good. And they need to be good and very soon.
The reason being, I'm going out for the Air Force and they require good credit. Yes, it is very difficult to get into this branch of the military, but it's what I want. There is no doubt in my mind that I can achieve this. Though sometimes I worry if I'll be strong enough, once I'm in. Regardless, it's the best decision for me and my family right now. The benefits are endless. And as a plus, we'll be getting out of here. I'm sick of worrying about my family. They don't seem to care what happens to them so I don't want to be around to see them self destruct.
I've started running a mile a day and my goal is to get it up to two. If there comes a day I could go further, than that'd be awesome. From what Mike tells me, I should also practice in the rain and the heat of the day. Since basics will be held in San Antonio, I'm sure most of the running I do will be in the heat.
Anyway, I thought I'd throw that out there. Josh and I will probably be out of here by mid-August, maybe a little later.
We'll keep you posted.
Recently I've been reflecting over all the decisions I've made that have brought me this far in life. Even though I think I have a pretty great life, I believe I am largely untapped. Most of the decisions I've made have been out of fear. If I didn't like a job, I stopped going. When someone turned me down, I went back to things tried and true. I haven't done much branching out since I've been a "grown-up". Mostly because the few times that I did resulted in chaos and heart break.
As Josh and I have recently been backed into sort of a corner, I started really wondering what would be different if I had decided to choose a road less traveled. After a lot of talking and introspection, Josh and I have come to a few decisions. We're going back to those dirt roads I should have taken long ago. We're not taking the easy path anymore, just because it may be more comfortable. We owe it to ourselves and our son to make something of our future. And we're very excited about it.
We're moving. I have never been sad to leave any of our other places, but it is time to move on. Mainly we need to focus on our credit and our finances. They are not good. And they need to be good and very soon.
The reason being, I'm going out for the Air Force and they require good credit. Yes, it is very difficult to get into this branch of the military, but it's what I want. There is no doubt in my mind that I can achieve this. Though sometimes I worry if I'll be strong enough, once I'm in. Regardless, it's the best decision for me and my family right now. The benefits are endless. And as a plus, we'll be getting out of here. I'm sick of worrying about my family. They don't seem to care what happens to them so I don't want to be around to see them self destruct.
I've started running a mile a day and my goal is to get it up to two. If there comes a day I could go further, than that'd be awesome. From what Mike tells me, I should also practice in the rain and the heat of the day. Since basics will be held in San Antonio, I'm sure most of the running I do will be in the heat.
Anyway, I thought I'd throw that out there. Josh and I will probably be out of here by mid-August, maybe a little later.
We'll keep you posted.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Green
It's probably one of my favorite colors. It's also another word for someone or something that is environmentally conscience. It's the newest fad in Hollywood and therefore, you guessed it, absolutely driving me up the wall.
I've been thinking probably way too much about this. Especially since anything I say, factual though it may be, will never change anything and only really serves to fuel my fire. But since it's just about one in the morning and I'm mulling this over in my head instead of sleeping, I might as well get it out for all of you to enjoy. Or not.
Celebrities are always preaching to us common folk about what we should be doing with our little mediocre common lives. Sometimes it's politics, sometimes religion, and occasionally even child rearing (don't even get me started *coughalecbaldwincough*) but most recently, it has been about how we treat dear old Mother Earth.
Ick.
I guess I really started thinking about this a while ago when Sheryl Crow said that ridiculous thing about how if we all only used one square of toilet paper each time we went to the bathroom we could make such a difference in landfills. First of all, paper is incredibly biodegradable, especially of the wiping variety. Secondly, we all know that Sheryl Crow uses more than one square to wipe her little pampered ass and she's simply doing what celebrities do best, being a hypocrite.
Consider this: Celebrities, especially the females, love to pamper themselves. They use the excuse of "My skin/hair/body is my job! Wah!" We usually hear about them loving on themselves in some fabulous spa on some island where the native population probably live in grass huts and feed daily on rice. If they're lucky. (Psh, the irony never ends, does it?) Consider the amount of energy it would cost to keep a spa of that size and stature running. They have to have lights for tanning beds, rooms, dining halls, kitchens, those little purple lights that dry your nails, hair dryers, washing and drying machines, hot tubs...this list goes on and on. Thinking about that alone will lead you to think about other obvious waste that would go in to running such a facility. Bath, spa and physical therapy tub water alone must be astronomical. And it's not as if a spa is something you can't live without, like say, a home.
But celebrity homes aren't doing much for the environment either. Living rooms alone in the common celebrity "crib" take up spaces whole families could live in. So how many trees were cut down, how much precious wildlife left homeless in order to make that humongous house. Plus any self respecting celeb has an Olympic size pool and a basketball court, in the very least. Think of all the lumber!
Energy costs for a house like that must be insane. We have a two story, three bedroom house. In the summer when we run the air conditioner it costs us around $150 just for electric. In order to fill our gas tank it's about $300 for 100 gallons. And in case you didn't know, 100 gallons only lasts about a month, maybe 40 days. And we don't even have a hot tub! Or a fire place! And, it should be noted, that we only have one shower and it's only used as much is absolutely necessary.
And let's be generous and say our tiny vehical costs us about $150 a month to fuel.
So our tiny life costs us around $600 in natural resources every month. That's $7,200 a year, give or take. Doesn't seem like much until you consider that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston's place (according to Forbes.com) covers 10,000 sqaure feet not including the outdoor tennis court, pool and spa. If you're interested, it's currently on the market for about 25 million. They probably own quite a few cars, too. I don't feel like looking that up, at the moment. (It's kind of hot down here.)
I don't know what the square footage of this house is, but I'm willing to bet it's probably just enough to fit into a corner of theirs. Let's say their energy costs are triple ours ($21,600). Some people make that in a year. Imagine the truck loads of oil and the precious, diamond weilding coal that was spent! It's quite a tragedy.
Oh I wish I could find the stats for Sheryl Crow's house. I know she has two, one in LA and one in Nashville. And you know that even the most modest of celeb homes would double ours. I'll tell her where she can put her one square of paper and her hypocritcal views on conservation.
If celebrities really want to help, they can start by selling all of their wordly goods, going back to the basics and donating the money to the studies of alternative fuel. Then they can dump their entire bank accounts into whatever charity they whine about on tv the most. They can do their job for a quarter of the price and get rid of their entitled attitudes.
Then they can talk to me about turning my lights off.
Until then, I wish they'd shove a big green gag in their yaps and shut it already. Nobody is interested in their ridiculous diarrhea of the mouth. Honestly.
I've been thinking probably way too much about this. Especially since anything I say, factual though it may be, will never change anything and only really serves to fuel my fire. But since it's just about one in the morning and I'm mulling this over in my head instead of sleeping, I might as well get it out for all of you to enjoy. Or not.
Celebrities are always preaching to us common folk about what we should be doing with our little mediocre common lives. Sometimes it's politics, sometimes religion, and occasionally even child rearing (don't even get me started *coughalecbaldwincough*) but most recently, it has been about how we treat dear old Mother Earth.
Ick.
I guess I really started thinking about this a while ago when Sheryl Crow said that ridiculous thing about how if we all only used one square of toilet paper each time we went to the bathroom we could make such a difference in landfills. First of all, paper is incredibly biodegradable, especially of the wiping variety. Secondly, we all know that Sheryl Crow uses more than one square to wipe her little pampered ass and she's simply doing what celebrities do best, being a hypocrite.
Consider this: Celebrities, especially the females, love to pamper themselves. They use the excuse of "My skin/hair/body is my job! Wah!" We usually hear about them loving on themselves in some fabulous spa on some island where the native population probably live in grass huts and feed daily on rice. If they're lucky. (Psh, the irony never ends, does it?) Consider the amount of energy it would cost to keep a spa of that size and stature running. They have to have lights for tanning beds, rooms, dining halls, kitchens, those little purple lights that dry your nails, hair dryers, washing and drying machines, hot tubs...this list goes on and on. Thinking about that alone will lead you to think about other obvious waste that would go in to running such a facility. Bath, spa and physical therapy tub water alone must be astronomical. And it's not as if a spa is something you can't live without, like say, a home.
But celebrity homes aren't doing much for the environment either. Living rooms alone in the common celebrity "crib" take up spaces whole families could live in. So how many trees were cut down, how much precious wildlife left homeless in order to make that humongous house. Plus any self respecting celeb has an Olympic size pool and a basketball court, in the very least. Think of all the lumber!
Energy costs for a house like that must be insane. We have a two story, three bedroom house. In the summer when we run the air conditioner it costs us around $150 just for electric. In order to fill our gas tank it's about $300 for 100 gallons. And in case you didn't know, 100 gallons only lasts about a month, maybe 40 days. And we don't even have a hot tub! Or a fire place! And, it should be noted, that we only have one shower and it's only used as much is absolutely necessary.
And let's be generous and say our tiny vehical costs us about $150 a month to fuel.
So our tiny life costs us around $600 in natural resources every month. That's $7,200 a year, give or take. Doesn't seem like much until you consider that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston's place (according to Forbes.com) covers 10,000 sqaure feet not including the outdoor tennis court, pool and spa. If you're interested, it's currently on the market for about 25 million. They probably own quite a few cars, too. I don't feel like looking that up, at the moment. (It's kind of hot down here.)
I don't know what the square footage of this house is, but I'm willing to bet it's probably just enough to fit into a corner of theirs. Let's say their energy costs are triple ours ($21,600). Some people make that in a year. Imagine the truck loads of oil and the precious, diamond weilding coal that was spent! It's quite a tragedy.
Oh I wish I could find the stats for Sheryl Crow's house. I know she has two, one in LA and one in Nashville. And you know that even the most modest of celeb homes would double ours. I'll tell her where she can put her one square of paper and her hypocritcal views on conservation.
If celebrities really want to help, they can start by selling all of their wordly goods, going back to the basics and donating the money to the studies of alternative fuel. Then they can dump their entire bank accounts into whatever charity they whine about on tv the most. They can do their job for a quarter of the price and get rid of their entitled attitudes.
Then they can talk to me about turning my lights off.
Until then, I wish they'd shove a big green gag in their yaps and shut it already. Nobody is interested in their ridiculous diarrhea of the mouth. Honestly.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Beauty
My thirteen year old sister came into this world with an attitude. There are some people who were born leaders, and she is definitely one of them. She's also a knock-out with her black hair and baby blue eyes, which only helps her cause. Our family has...ugh it's weird describing this without sounding cheesy but, like a punk rock attitude. We're pretty tough, and we really don't give a damn what people think of us. That comes with a sort of style sense that can be interpreted as...different. Sam always loved her looks, her style, her music. She was one of those lucky people that was truly comfortable with themselves.
This June marks the end of her second year in the public school system.
No, this is not another post about how much I hate said system, it is a post about beauty, as the title says. And I guess a little about peer pressure.
If you beat on something long enough, it eventually gets soft. Well my sister has been turned against herself. I know she is only 13 and that is a very difficult age. I still remember. It hasn't been that long for me. The mob at her school has finally convinced her that she isn't pretty because she doesn't fit into their definition of beauty.
All of a sudden she was wearing ribbons and pink and a seemingly whole new attitude had emerged. I said Sam, what happened. Her words were as she has always been, honest. "We were just sick of getting made fun of."
Now I am not here to write about the evil that is middle school girls. That could go on for pages and could be summed up in two words. They suck.
As humans we have always had a problem with people that didn't necessarily fit our mold. We don't like things to be different. And women are the worst. Especially if whatever the other girl is doing looks really good on her, and she likes it. Women who are insecure are a huge danger to themselves and others. They maliciously hurt each other in order to make themselves feel better. There's a certain glow about confident people that people with out it can't stand. I know, because I've been on both sides.
My sister is beautiful, inside and out. Sadly, she is only 13 and feels the need to conform to the mob's increasingly loud and violent influence. I know that Sam is beautiful regardless of what she's wearing, but that is something they don't yet care for.
Maybe they never will.
Our country has put such a high value on the physical. A Paris Hilton body is only so good if it has the Paris Hilton price tag (and even worse, the reputation). As I said before, it doesn't matter to these people how physically beautiful my sister is (and she is very) if she's not wearing the right clothes.
Since when did clothes define us? We were created naked and born naked and naked we shall return. Clothes are necessary in our culture for many reasons. Style is, well it's just gravy. If you've got it, good for you. I don't believe it should cost an arm and a leg.
And women are suffering the most. Our idea of beauty is often very unsafe for our women. Look at what we require of models. Aren't models supposed to be representative of the woman shape? How is 5'10 and 95lbs supposed to be representative of the American woman? Not that I support obesity, no way. I believe in a healthy life style for all shapes and sizes. But this is the idea we're giving our girls.
I hate it with a passion. Because I believe everyone of us was made by an intelligent and artistic Creator and what he put on you or didn't put on you is a direct result of his plan. I don't believe in cosmetic surgery because I see it as almost a slap in the face to the one who made you. He doesn't make mistakes. And how can a plastic surgeon do better work than he? As we've seen by so many horror stories, they can't. They often make mistakes, very expensive mistakes.
You should be proud of who you are, and take care of your body. It's a gift.
That being said, I'm not saying that the other girls definition of beauty is wrong, either. What I'm trying to say is that we all have our own individual ideas and we should be accepting of that. As long as someone isn't hurting themselves and others, why not just leave them alone? Better yet, why couldn't we be supportive of each other?
In the end, we all get wrinkly and old and wind up in the dirt. With the worms and things crawling all over us. We may leave behind a few stunning pictures, but what really matters is the influece we left. That's where our true beauty lies.
And that concludes my after school special.
This June marks the end of her second year in the public school system.
No, this is not another post about how much I hate said system, it is a post about beauty, as the title says. And I guess a little about peer pressure.
If you beat on something long enough, it eventually gets soft. Well my sister has been turned against herself. I know she is only 13 and that is a very difficult age. I still remember. It hasn't been that long for me. The mob at her school has finally convinced her that she isn't pretty because she doesn't fit into their definition of beauty.
All of a sudden she was wearing ribbons and pink and a seemingly whole new attitude had emerged. I said Sam, what happened. Her words were as she has always been, honest. "We were just sick of getting made fun of."
Now I am not here to write about the evil that is middle school girls. That could go on for pages and could be summed up in two words. They suck.
As humans we have always had a problem with people that didn't necessarily fit our mold. We don't like things to be different. And women are the worst. Especially if whatever the other girl is doing looks really good on her, and she likes it. Women who are insecure are a huge danger to themselves and others. They maliciously hurt each other in order to make themselves feel better. There's a certain glow about confident people that people with out it can't stand. I know, because I've been on both sides.
My sister is beautiful, inside and out. Sadly, she is only 13 and feels the need to conform to the mob's increasingly loud and violent influence. I know that Sam is beautiful regardless of what she's wearing, but that is something they don't yet care for.
Maybe they never will.
Our country has put such a high value on the physical. A Paris Hilton body is only so good if it has the Paris Hilton price tag (and even worse, the reputation). As I said before, it doesn't matter to these people how physically beautiful my sister is (and she is very) if she's not wearing the right clothes.
Since when did clothes define us? We were created naked and born naked and naked we shall return. Clothes are necessary in our culture for many reasons. Style is, well it's just gravy. If you've got it, good for you. I don't believe it should cost an arm and a leg.
And women are suffering the most. Our idea of beauty is often very unsafe for our women. Look at what we require of models. Aren't models supposed to be representative of the woman shape? How is 5'10 and 95lbs supposed to be representative of the American woman? Not that I support obesity, no way. I believe in a healthy life style for all shapes and sizes. But this is the idea we're giving our girls.
I hate it with a passion. Because I believe everyone of us was made by an intelligent and artistic Creator and what he put on you or didn't put on you is a direct result of his plan. I don't believe in cosmetic surgery because I see it as almost a slap in the face to the one who made you. He doesn't make mistakes. And how can a plastic surgeon do better work than he? As we've seen by so many horror stories, they can't. They often make mistakes, very expensive mistakes.
You should be proud of who you are, and take care of your body. It's a gift.
That being said, I'm not saying that the other girls definition of beauty is wrong, either. What I'm trying to say is that we all have our own individual ideas and we should be accepting of that. As long as someone isn't hurting themselves and others, why not just leave them alone? Better yet, why couldn't we be supportive of each other?
In the end, we all get wrinkly and old and wind up in the dirt. With the worms and things crawling all over us. We may leave behind a few stunning pictures, but what really matters is the influece we left. That's where our true beauty lies.
And that concludes my after school special.
Pain
I believe I've heard something about this before. Maybe in a cheesy movie, maybe from my mom or possibly both but here is my take on it.
It's funny but I was thinking about how important pain is in my life. I guess I never really noticed it before so if I seem a bit naive, that's not necessarily true. I'm just slow.
I always considered the pain I went through growing up (and still some today) as what has contributed to making me the strong person I am now. In that sense, I was grateful for turning out the way I did. My brother struggles with the same issue and hasn't yet found strength from the pain. He's an incredibly angry person. The way I see it, we had no control over what happened to us then so we have two options : Let those people and experiences ruin us today, or use it to our benefit.
But I also noticed that pain in the smaller aspects of life seem to reveal change. For example, Riley is learning to walk. He is finding out rather quickly what he can and cannot do by the small bits of pain he feels on his bottom when he fails. This is how he learns. He'll learn many things from pain in the future. It's sad, but it's life. Obviously, I don't just mean physical pain.
Then Josh mentioned to me the other day about how he loves the day after a work out when his muscles hurt. He said he could feel them ripping while he was lifting weights, and that in a way feels good because it's progress. That's when the light went on over my head. I had just beeing feeling the same way about some new face wash I was using. It burns when I put it on and I remember thinking the first time, Oh that's good. That means it's working.
Besides healing and strength, fear is a result of pain. But as John Mayer says, Fear is as friend that's misunderstood. See as I said before, Riley is learning from fear. He has a few fears that are irrational, but he will eventually learn that he won't be hurt by those things. It's the things that do hurt him he should fear, and he is slowly learning that. Children are famous for the monster under the bed syndrom but it's really no different for adults. Our monsters have simply changed location.
I realized just yesterday that I still have a few monsters and one of them lives at church. That's a fear that has no basis, as nothing there can really hurt me. There are people there that could do me harm, but I've learned to spot them. I've learned how to handle them. See once you grab that thing you're scared of, it usually turns out just to be a pile of clothes, right?
So to sum things up, pain is an important aspect of life. It is necessary if change is expected.
Besides, there's nothing you can really do about it.
It's funny but I was thinking about how important pain is in my life. I guess I never really noticed it before so if I seem a bit naive, that's not necessarily true. I'm just slow.
I always considered the pain I went through growing up (and still some today) as what has contributed to making me the strong person I am now. In that sense, I was grateful for turning out the way I did. My brother struggles with the same issue and hasn't yet found strength from the pain. He's an incredibly angry person. The way I see it, we had no control over what happened to us then so we have two options : Let those people and experiences ruin us today, or use it to our benefit.
But I also noticed that pain in the smaller aspects of life seem to reveal change. For example, Riley is learning to walk. He is finding out rather quickly what he can and cannot do by the small bits of pain he feels on his bottom when he fails. This is how he learns. He'll learn many things from pain in the future. It's sad, but it's life. Obviously, I don't just mean physical pain.
Then Josh mentioned to me the other day about how he loves the day after a work out when his muscles hurt. He said he could feel them ripping while he was lifting weights, and that in a way feels good because it's progress. That's when the light went on over my head. I had just beeing feeling the same way about some new face wash I was using. It burns when I put it on and I remember thinking the first time, Oh that's good. That means it's working.
Besides healing and strength, fear is a result of pain. But as John Mayer says, Fear is as friend that's misunderstood. See as I said before, Riley is learning from fear. He has a few fears that are irrational, but he will eventually learn that he won't be hurt by those things. It's the things that do hurt him he should fear, and he is slowly learning that. Children are famous for the monster under the bed syndrom but it's really no different for adults. Our monsters have simply changed location.
I realized just yesterday that I still have a few monsters and one of them lives at church. That's a fear that has no basis, as nothing there can really hurt me. There are people there that could do me harm, but I've learned to spot them. I've learned how to handle them. See once you grab that thing you're scared of, it usually turns out just to be a pile of clothes, right?
So to sum things up, pain is an important aspect of life. It is necessary if change is expected.
Besides, there's nothing you can really do about it.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Here we go again
I'm don't believe in disclaimers. I think if you're going to say something, you should just say it and be completely honest about how you feel. In this case, I am making an exception.
Disclaimer: This blog reflects my personal feelings and nothing else. It does not necessarily reflect the feelings of my husband (unless otherwise stated) or anyone else I am related to in any way. I don't mean any harm, emotional or otherwise, to anyone whom I might mention here. I stay as close to the facts as I possibly can, but most of what I post here is an emotional response to my experiences. I realize that when the truth is told, feelings often get hurt and things can get uncomfortable but truth has always been more important to me than comfort. That being said...
We went to church yesterday. Something about it sets me off. Maybe not necessarily this church in particular, but all churches. I think it's no secret how I feel about organized religion, Christianity being one of them. There's just no trust there for me at all. Perhaps it comes from being led by the nose by those awful Quixtar people, but whenever I sit in a congregation of people, I have the sickening feeling I'm being lied to.
When it comes to being lied to about my eternal soul, I tend to be pretty cautious.
Of course, there's no real way of knowing. I'm sure about some people who are absolutely not trustworthy. Unfortunately, a few of them are in power. I believe part of what I'm struggling with is the dying image of what our parents told us church and Christianity were. These things are not true, or atleast, no longer true.
I think I have the rather odd (and increasingly unpopular) gift of knowing right from wrong. It's very black and white to me and when I know something is wrong, I have a very difficult time ignoring it. It's damn near impossible for me. So if you're not livin' right, steer clear. Haha.
I don't mean that to sound judgmental, though I think I'd make a pretty good judge. A real judge, not one of those "judges". You know.
Oh there's so much I could say. It only amounts to wasted words and time, though.
But I do have a couple of new and meaningful ideas I've been thinking about so maybe we'll hear from those soon.
We're going to continue going to church until we either find a place that really fits us or get sick of it altogether again. The man really enjoys the nursery. That maybe be our single biggest reason for going. We went looking for something that I believe doesn't exist anymore (and no, I don't mean God).
We have a big weekend coming up that I probably shouldn't write anything about. So I'll be taking my frustrations out elsewhere.
Disclaimer: This blog reflects my personal feelings and nothing else. It does not necessarily reflect the feelings of my husband (unless otherwise stated) or anyone else I am related to in any way. I don't mean any harm, emotional or otherwise, to anyone whom I might mention here. I stay as close to the facts as I possibly can, but most of what I post here is an emotional response to my experiences. I realize that when the truth is told, feelings often get hurt and things can get uncomfortable but truth has always been more important to me than comfort. That being said...
We went to church yesterday. Something about it sets me off. Maybe not necessarily this church in particular, but all churches. I think it's no secret how I feel about organized religion, Christianity being one of them. There's just no trust there for me at all. Perhaps it comes from being led by the nose by those awful Quixtar people, but whenever I sit in a congregation of people, I have the sickening feeling I'm being lied to.
When it comes to being lied to about my eternal soul, I tend to be pretty cautious.
Of course, there's no real way of knowing. I'm sure about some people who are absolutely not trustworthy. Unfortunately, a few of them are in power. I believe part of what I'm struggling with is the dying image of what our parents told us church and Christianity were. These things are not true, or atleast, no longer true.
I think I have the rather odd (and increasingly unpopular) gift of knowing right from wrong. It's very black and white to me and when I know something is wrong, I have a very difficult time ignoring it. It's damn near impossible for me. So if you're not livin' right, steer clear. Haha.
I don't mean that to sound judgmental, though I think I'd make a pretty good judge. A real judge, not one of those "judges". You know.
Oh there's so much I could say. It only amounts to wasted words and time, though.
But I do have a couple of new and meaningful ideas I've been thinking about so maybe we'll hear from those soon.
We're going to continue going to church until we either find a place that really fits us or get sick of it altogether again. The man really enjoys the nursery. That maybe be our single biggest reason for going. We went looking for something that I believe doesn't exist anymore (and no, I don't mean God).
We have a big weekend coming up that I probably shouldn't write anything about. So I'll be taking my frustrations out elsewhere.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
One
I've been thinking about how to write about this and since nothing in particular has come to mind, I think I'll just start writing and see what happens. It hasn't really failed me yet.
It's been one year (a little over now since I've been thinking about this post for about a week) since the man first came into the world. He's a year old and healthy and beautiful and probably as happy as a boy his age can be. I couldn't have asked for a better little man.
Josh made a video with a bunch of pictures marking different times in his short little life all leading up to his first birthday. I had to watch it twice before I stopped bawling. I guess seeing his life, from the first hour at the hospital on to his first bite of birthday cupcake compressed to around three minutes really struck me. I mean the time really does fly. And he has changed so much. If you don't have a baby you probably don't realize the amazing difference between an infant and a one year old, but it's huge. He's not really a baby anymore. In fact, I know that the minute he takes his first step, he will be a toddler and my little baby will officially be gone.
I might be a little over dramatic here. I just really enjoyed this first year. It's been the most incredible experience of my life. I get to wake up every morning to the sound of a little man playing and squealing in his crib. When I walk into the room, he is standing in the corning closest to the door waiting for me with a huge smile on his face. He jumps up and down and reaches out to me and when I get close enough, he grabs and clings onto my shirt so I'll pull him up. I thank God every day for that. I know, just like the other precious little moments in his life, that it won't last long.
So as I said before, he isn't quite walking yet. He pushes things and he walks in the walker and he can certainly pull himself up and scoot around very quickly, but not quite walking. He loves animals. Every time he sees our little decrepit hamster he screams with delight. He gets a kick out of crawling all over Jax and pulling on his eyes and ears. Jax has been incredibly patient with the man's increased interest in his food bowls.
He feeds himself now. Not just bottles but everything. He isn't using utensiles, but he does pretty well with his fingers. There's not much he'll turn down. He takes after his dad in this department.
Last night he took his first bath in the real bathtub and he loved it. He finally has the freedom to splash everything in sight.
He loves to play ball but he's terrified of the vaccuum cleaner. He hates rides in the car, but he loves visiting his grand parents. We took him to the playground for the first time this weekend and he crawled all over the baby play set and slid down the slides. He loves to swing. He loves electronics and he still watches Baby Einstein though he doesn't seem to be afraid of the bugs or penguines anymore.
We took him to the beach for the first time last weekend. He loved the sand but hated the water. I'm sure all that will change by the end of the summer.
He sleeps alone in his crib, all through the night.
He's pretty tough and there is less and less that he needs me for, but when he gets hurt or feels tired or lonely, he still comes to me first. I know it's selfish, but the day that stops will feel like the end of my life. I know I'm going to be so proud of him. And I know he's going to be just fine so mostly I worry about how I'm going to deal with his ever increasing independence. I guess this is the part where most women would consider having another child but to me, I don't want another baby. I want Riley as a baby.
Now I know it seems like I might be one of those mothers that is so desperate to keep mothering that I'll keep him a baby as long as possible but that is not the case. I am extremely grounded for one so emotionally involved. I know that what's best for Riley is his growing up in a timely manner and I respect that. As I said, he does many things on his own, including feeding and sleeping two of the things mothers hang onto the longest. When the time comes for school, I will surely send him. Don't worry for the man, I won't be putting my selfish desire to keep him forever ahead of his need to move on.
With that said, I honestly look forward to this next year. This is the year of walking and learning how to talk. There will be tons of learning and exchange and exploration. He will (hopefully) start wearing shoes. He will do things on command and learn the full weight of the word "No." I'm not too sure what else a one year old can do so I guess it will be a year of discovery for both of us.
I can't wait.
It's been one year (a little over now since I've been thinking about this post for about a week) since the man first came into the world. He's a year old and healthy and beautiful and probably as happy as a boy his age can be. I couldn't have asked for a better little man.
Josh made a video with a bunch of pictures marking different times in his short little life all leading up to his first birthday. I had to watch it twice before I stopped bawling. I guess seeing his life, from the first hour at the hospital on to his first bite of birthday cupcake compressed to around three minutes really struck me. I mean the time really does fly. And he has changed so much. If you don't have a baby you probably don't realize the amazing difference between an infant and a one year old, but it's huge. He's not really a baby anymore. In fact, I know that the minute he takes his first step, he will be a toddler and my little baby will officially be gone.
I might be a little over dramatic here. I just really enjoyed this first year. It's been the most incredible experience of my life. I get to wake up every morning to the sound of a little man playing and squealing in his crib. When I walk into the room, he is standing in the corning closest to the door waiting for me with a huge smile on his face. He jumps up and down and reaches out to me and when I get close enough, he grabs and clings onto my shirt so I'll pull him up. I thank God every day for that. I know, just like the other precious little moments in his life, that it won't last long.
So as I said before, he isn't quite walking yet. He pushes things and he walks in the walker and he can certainly pull himself up and scoot around very quickly, but not quite walking. He loves animals. Every time he sees our little decrepit hamster he screams with delight. He gets a kick out of crawling all over Jax and pulling on his eyes and ears. Jax has been incredibly patient with the man's increased interest in his food bowls.
He feeds himself now. Not just bottles but everything. He isn't using utensiles, but he does pretty well with his fingers. There's not much he'll turn down. He takes after his dad in this department.
Last night he took his first bath in the real bathtub and he loved it. He finally has the freedom to splash everything in sight.
He loves to play ball but he's terrified of the vaccuum cleaner. He hates rides in the car, but he loves visiting his grand parents. We took him to the playground for the first time this weekend and he crawled all over the baby play set and slid down the slides. He loves to swing. He loves electronics and he still watches Baby Einstein though he doesn't seem to be afraid of the bugs or penguines anymore.
We took him to the beach for the first time last weekend. He loved the sand but hated the water. I'm sure all that will change by the end of the summer.
He sleeps alone in his crib, all through the night.
He's pretty tough and there is less and less that he needs me for, but when he gets hurt or feels tired or lonely, he still comes to me first. I know it's selfish, but the day that stops will feel like the end of my life. I know I'm going to be so proud of him. And I know he's going to be just fine so mostly I worry about how I'm going to deal with his ever increasing independence. I guess this is the part where most women would consider having another child but to me, I don't want another baby. I want Riley as a baby.
Now I know it seems like I might be one of those mothers that is so desperate to keep mothering that I'll keep him a baby as long as possible but that is not the case. I am extremely grounded for one so emotionally involved. I know that what's best for Riley is his growing up in a timely manner and I respect that. As I said, he does many things on his own, including feeding and sleeping two of the things mothers hang onto the longest. When the time comes for school, I will surely send him. Don't worry for the man, I won't be putting my selfish desire to keep him forever ahead of his need to move on.
With that said, I honestly look forward to this next year. This is the year of walking and learning how to talk. There will be tons of learning and exchange and exploration. He will (hopefully) start wearing shoes. He will do things on command and learn the full weight of the word "No." I'm not too sure what else a one year old can do so I guess it will be a year of discovery for both of us.
I can't wait.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Babel
Don't see it. It's a complete waste of time.
I can't believe the trash they make and pass off as "good" these days. There are a couple scenes between a 10 year old boy and his sister that are very inappropriate and as far as I can tell, not relevant to the story at all. I swear they throw those things in there just to gross people out, or even worse, to desensitise people. Other than that the whole story was just a mixture between disturbing and depressing.
Exactly how I like to spend my Saturday evenings. Gaaahh.
Anyway, I'm just warning you. Of course, you'll probably pass up Babel just to unsuspectingly pick up something worse. That's just how it is these days. These kinds of movies piss me off. Bad. I just really don't understand the point. And Brad Pitt was in it too! In my opinion, this movie brings his reputation way down but of course cheating on his wife didn't make him look so hot in my eyes either.
I'm that much closer to giving up Hollywood all together. Every once in a while though, they actually come up with something great. I really want to see 300. I've come to recognize that if the critics like it, I will not. And if they hate it, I will probably like it. I feel that way about everything, actually. I hardly ever find safety in popularity these days. For gods sake look at all the morons who want Hillary for president.
Yeah. They definitely rode the short bus.
(Oh and for some reason the spell check on blogger isn't working so...I also rode the short bus.)
I can't believe the trash they make and pass off as "good" these days. There are a couple scenes between a 10 year old boy and his sister that are very inappropriate and as far as I can tell, not relevant to the story at all. I swear they throw those things in there just to gross people out, or even worse, to desensitise people. Other than that the whole story was just a mixture between disturbing and depressing.
Exactly how I like to spend my Saturday evenings. Gaaahh.
Anyway, I'm just warning you. Of course, you'll probably pass up Babel just to unsuspectingly pick up something worse. That's just how it is these days. These kinds of movies piss me off. Bad. I just really don't understand the point. And Brad Pitt was in it too! In my opinion, this movie brings his reputation way down but of course cheating on his wife didn't make him look so hot in my eyes either.
I'm that much closer to giving up Hollywood all together. Every once in a while though, they actually come up with something great. I really want to see 300. I've come to recognize that if the critics like it, I will not. And if they hate it, I will probably like it. I feel that way about everything, actually. I hardly ever find safety in popularity these days. For gods sake look at all the morons who want Hillary for president.
Yeah. They definitely rode the short bus.
(Oh and for some reason the spell check on blogger isn't working so...I also rode the short bus.)
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Yo!
It's almost May! Which means it's almost summer which means yay.
I hope I get the chance to leave the house this year. Since the man is really trying hard to walk I think I may get the opportunity once in a while. God I'd love to see the beach a few times and get some sun. I haven't been this pale since I was born.
We're planning Riley's first birthday. I think it's going to be May 8th sometime in the afternoon, if you want to come. I'm pretty excited. We're getting him some kind of inflatable outdoor toy and maybe one of those little walker things for him to push around the house. Plus, he'll get to have a cupcake and he's gonna love that.
Last weekend we made another trip up to Longhorn (our country dance club, in case you didn't know.) Wow. We had a blast. When we went last time, we visited the location in Martinsburg, and though we had a nice time, we only had like 30 patrons that night. Well in Chambersburg last week there were 321, which was our highest ever. It was incredible to see all those people. It was really a lot of fun I wish we had something like that around here.
We got to hang out with our friends who started the whole thing this time too. After we closed Longhorn, we went to a little bar called the Gingerbread man, got drunk and talked about Quixtar, for the most part. It was hilarious at the time. I guess you really do have to look back and laugh. I certainly laughed a lot, anyway.
So...I feel like I came here to say something and I totally forgot what it was. Anyway, that's kind of our update.
I hope I get the chance to leave the house this year. Since the man is really trying hard to walk I think I may get the opportunity once in a while. God I'd love to see the beach a few times and get some sun. I haven't been this pale since I was born.
We're planning Riley's first birthday. I think it's going to be May 8th sometime in the afternoon, if you want to come. I'm pretty excited. We're getting him some kind of inflatable outdoor toy and maybe one of those little walker things for him to push around the house. Plus, he'll get to have a cupcake and he's gonna love that.
Last weekend we made another trip up to Longhorn (our country dance club, in case you didn't know.) Wow. We had a blast. When we went last time, we visited the location in Martinsburg, and though we had a nice time, we only had like 30 patrons that night. Well in Chambersburg last week there were 321, which was our highest ever. It was incredible to see all those people. It was really a lot of fun I wish we had something like that around here.
We got to hang out with our friends who started the whole thing this time too. After we closed Longhorn, we went to a little bar called the Gingerbread man, got drunk and talked about Quixtar, for the most part. It was hilarious at the time. I guess you really do have to look back and laugh. I certainly laughed a lot, anyway.
So...I feel like I came here to say something and I totally forgot what it was. Anyway, that's kind of our update.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Man on the Run
The little man is now mobile. Yes, he's crawling at lightning speed, pulling up on everything he can get his little hands on, opening cabinets and drawers, sticking tiny fingers in light sockets, eating unknown things off of the floor.
Good times.
The one thing I do miss is the afternoon naps. He has decided he doesn't need them anymore, even though I now need them more than ever.
I can't believe it's almost been a year.
Good times.
The one thing I do miss is the afternoon naps. He has decided he doesn't need them anymore, even though I now need them more than ever.
I can't believe it's almost been a year.
Friday, March 23, 2007
New Digs
I've been changing everything this spring. We did some pretty serious spring cleaning and redecorating and so I thought...I guess I'll finally update my blog. Every time I log in, Blogger asks me to update to their new thingie and I have just been too lazy/busy but today I finally did.
Honestly, it doesn't look any different to me. I guess if you know HTML you have more options but me I need one of their stupid little templates. I guess the dots are ok. I was really finding my pink pretty obnoxious.
That's the weird thing about being pregnant. I now think everything I liked when I was pregnant is ugly. Hah. And I also want to change things now as opposed to last year when I didn't even want to switch shampoos. It's a strange thing, I tell ya. I guess it will probably be the same deal next time around, if there is one.
Anyway, that is all.
Honestly, it doesn't look any different to me. I guess if you know HTML you have more options but me I need one of their stupid little templates. I guess the dots are ok. I was really finding my pink pretty obnoxious.
That's the weird thing about being pregnant. I now think everything I liked when I was pregnant is ugly. Hah. And I also want to change things now as opposed to last year when I didn't even want to switch shampoos. It's a strange thing, I tell ya. I guess it will probably be the same deal next time around, if there is one.
Anyway, that is all.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The First
Today is the first day of spring. (I know...it snuck up on me too. ) And it is actually very nice out. But today, the weather is not what is impressing me.
I know I'm just a little girl, with an old lap top in a rented room in lower Delaware. But today, I'd like to give the opportunity to anyone who reads my pathetic little rants for a new beginning. Most people do this on New Years, however with the prospect of a new season and all kinds of new life around, I'd like to open those doors yet again.
Frankly, if you're going to lead any sort of a happy life, you need to consider each day as a new beginning. There isn't much you can't bounce back from, but our society has become increasingly over dramatic. My theory: What's done is done. You absolutely must go on.
So, in an attempt not to fill your heads with what I believe new beginnings to mean, I'm going to end it here. No, I'm no professional but I've seen a lot and I am wise beyong my years! (haha...but seriously...)
Enjoy life. This is the only one you get.
I know I'm just a little girl, with an old lap top in a rented room in lower Delaware. But today, I'd like to give the opportunity to anyone who reads my pathetic little rants for a new beginning. Most people do this on New Years, however with the prospect of a new season and all kinds of new life around, I'd like to open those doors yet again.
Frankly, if you're going to lead any sort of a happy life, you need to consider each day as a new beginning. There isn't much you can't bounce back from, but our society has become increasingly over dramatic. My theory: What's done is done. You absolutely must go on.
So, in an attempt not to fill your heads with what I believe new beginnings to mean, I'm going to end it here. No, I'm no professional but I've seen a lot and I am wise beyong my years! (haha...but seriously...)
Enjoy life. This is the only one you get.
Friday, March 16, 2007
One for the Books
Wesley is in the ground, my friends.
Ahh...eventually they will literally be in the ground and I will dance upon the grave with sparklers and wine!
So! We went up there today to get that shady monkey off our backs. I also had planned to walk out of the building with my transcripts in hand. That didn't exactly happen but, they should be in the mail by Tuesday. I simply can't explain the joy I'm feeling.
It feels incredible paying people off. I'd pay people to leave me alone any day! "Here's some money, now shut up." That's just me. I love peace and money is just okay.
But again, Josh and I had one of our deep conversations on the way up where I did most of the talking (ahem, ranting) and we both ended up irritated (not with each other). People...argh!
It's just that Wesley is very shady. They have, what I've called, a $1000 transfer fee. Even if you go to the school and get the print out of what you supposedly owe, there's 100 little items on there. It's all mixed up, oddly titled and it's basically a "What the hell" item. Upon receiving said list, even Josh whispered to me, "Let's just pay them." And that, my friends, is their goal. We paid them, though, because we have lives to go on with. All my rich little class mates that transferred paid it and never batted an eye lash. Sometimes you just have to let the House win.
The other thing we discussed was one of my biggest pet peeves ever. I don't have a name for it, but it has something to do with how lazy and disrespectful people are. As I've said before, I don't think I expect much from people. As far as I'm concerned, it's the Laws of Humanity that require people to be decent and respectful to one another. I don't believe in excuses. There's absolutely no reason for stupidity. (Yes, shit happens. I'm not unreasonable. I'm talking about the real stupidity and if you're not stupid, you know what I mean.)
Example:
One Wesley experience I have involves our Student council stealing money from our freshmen class. I'm not sure what the technicalities were as far as how they got their hands on said money, but apparently they were able to get into our accounts and steal it. They got caught and students were outraged. Yet, nothing happened to them. They were not prosecuted. They weren't even expelled. Reason? Well they were Seniors and if they were expelled they wouldn't get to graduate.
So?!? They know the requirements for graduation. They know it's not okay to steal. Why should we have to make excuses for them so that they get to graduate?? It's not right. It's only common sense that you break the rules, you deal with the consequences. There shouldn't be special treatment for idiots, just because they're on verge of receiving something they don't deserve. They should have been kicked out and forced to resume classes next year. So you're a semester behind? You did stupid shit. Maybe next time you won't be such an asshole. But they got to graduate with a clean record and will probably list Student Council on their resume.
It's a sad state when people turn their eyes from such obvious wrong doings. I personally refuse. I may be the only one who simply will not put up with this any longer. This is going under my new resolution not to allow stupidity in my presence, either.
So, don't be stupid and don't try to get away with anything on my watch. I'm so sick to death of it I might just snap.
And last night in the middle of Wal-Mart (why am I surprised anymore?) these women were being loud and obnoxious screaming about size double D breasts and how they don't have enough food stamps. I swear to God. People have no pride anymore.
State aid is for people who have real struggles, and it is temporary. Those are the rules. At least, those are supposed to be the rules. It's not for people who are lazy, drug addicts, or illegal immigrants. If you're all three, we don't want you here. Please go mooch off of your own country.
I'm all for being who you are. But who you are shouldn't get in the way of other people being who they are.
I am incredibly unlucky that out of all the things on earth that could possibly annoy me, human nature is what annoys me the most. It's not just that, maybe "nature" is the wrong word. These are choices people make. You choose to be ignorant, you choose to treat people badly, you choose to make bad decisions and have the rest of the world pay for your mistakes, you choose to continue to have children when you know you have neither the money nor desire to raise them, you choose not to pay your bills or get a real job or stop whining and get on with life. And I choose to let these things bother me.
I've always been this way. I just can't keep my mouth shut when something is that wrong. My mom always said I just had to get the last word. Untrue. The fact is I can easily admit when I'm wrong. Very easily. You just have to be right about the fact that I'm wrong. And, it would be nice if you could tell me in a way that is respectful. My parents raised me with a ton of injustice and never answered any questions. I was wrong because I was me, and unfortunately for them I was smart enough to know that. We didn't get along well back then.
I'm thinking I'm going to write out what I believe ought to be the Rules for Humanity. If you don't abide by these rules, you no longer get to call yourself human.
Hah! I like it.
Ahh...eventually they will literally be in the ground and I will dance upon the grave with sparklers and wine!
So! We went up there today to get that shady monkey off our backs. I also had planned to walk out of the building with my transcripts in hand. That didn't exactly happen but, they should be in the mail by Tuesday. I simply can't explain the joy I'm feeling.
It feels incredible paying people off. I'd pay people to leave me alone any day! "Here's some money, now shut up." That's just me. I love peace and money is just okay.
But again, Josh and I had one of our deep conversations on the way up where I did most of the talking (ahem, ranting) and we both ended up irritated (not with each other). People...argh!
It's just that Wesley is very shady. They have, what I've called, a $1000 transfer fee. Even if you go to the school and get the print out of what you supposedly owe, there's 100 little items on there. It's all mixed up, oddly titled and it's basically a "What the hell" item. Upon receiving said list, even Josh whispered to me, "Let's just pay them." And that, my friends, is their goal. We paid them, though, because we have lives to go on with. All my rich little class mates that transferred paid it and never batted an eye lash. Sometimes you just have to let the House win.
The other thing we discussed was one of my biggest pet peeves ever. I don't have a name for it, but it has something to do with how lazy and disrespectful people are. As I've said before, I don't think I expect much from people. As far as I'm concerned, it's the Laws of Humanity that require people to be decent and respectful to one another. I don't believe in excuses. There's absolutely no reason for stupidity. (Yes, shit happens. I'm not unreasonable. I'm talking about the real stupidity and if you're not stupid, you know what I mean.)
Example:
One Wesley experience I have involves our Student council stealing money from our freshmen class. I'm not sure what the technicalities were as far as how they got their hands on said money, but apparently they were able to get into our accounts and steal it. They got caught and students were outraged. Yet, nothing happened to them. They were not prosecuted. They weren't even expelled. Reason? Well they were Seniors and if they were expelled they wouldn't get to graduate.
So?!? They know the requirements for graduation. They know it's not okay to steal. Why should we have to make excuses for them so that they get to graduate?? It's not right. It's only common sense that you break the rules, you deal with the consequences. There shouldn't be special treatment for idiots, just because they're on verge of receiving something they don't deserve. They should have been kicked out and forced to resume classes next year. So you're a semester behind? You did stupid shit. Maybe next time you won't be such an asshole. But they got to graduate with a clean record and will probably list Student Council on their resume.
It's a sad state when people turn their eyes from such obvious wrong doings. I personally refuse. I may be the only one who simply will not put up with this any longer. This is going under my new resolution not to allow stupidity in my presence, either.
So, don't be stupid and don't try to get away with anything on my watch. I'm so sick to death of it I might just snap.
And last night in the middle of Wal-Mart (why am I surprised anymore?) these women were being loud and obnoxious screaming about size double D breasts and how they don't have enough food stamps. I swear to God. People have no pride anymore.
State aid is for people who have real struggles, and it is temporary. Those are the rules. At least, those are supposed to be the rules. It's not for people who are lazy, drug addicts, or illegal immigrants. If you're all three, we don't want you here. Please go mooch off of your own country.
I'm all for being who you are. But who you are shouldn't get in the way of other people being who they are.
I am incredibly unlucky that out of all the things on earth that could possibly annoy me, human nature is what annoys me the most. It's not just that, maybe "nature" is the wrong word. These are choices people make. You choose to be ignorant, you choose to treat people badly, you choose to make bad decisions and have the rest of the world pay for your mistakes, you choose to continue to have children when you know you have neither the money nor desire to raise them, you choose not to pay your bills or get a real job or stop whining and get on with life. And I choose to let these things bother me.
I've always been this way. I just can't keep my mouth shut when something is that wrong. My mom always said I just had to get the last word. Untrue. The fact is I can easily admit when I'm wrong. Very easily. You just have to be right about the fact that I'm wrong. And, it would be nice if you could tell me in a way that is respectful. My parents raised me with a ton of injustice and never answered any questions. I was wrong because I was me, and unfortunately for them I was smart enough to know that. We didn't get along well back then.
I'm thinking I'm going to write out what I believe ought to be the Rules for Humanity. If you don't abide by these rules, you no longer get to call yourself human.
Hah! I like it.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Fake punker named Brian
I need to stretch my brain. It feels all cramped and useless in my head right now. I wrote this little hate filled blog on my myspace (hah, is there any other kind?) and littered with profanity though it may be, it describes me at this moment. The only little thing kinda making my day at this point is the random music coming up on iTunes. Strangely enough the little bugger seems to be feelin' me today. The man seems to be enjoying the music too, believe it or not. He's a cool little man.
So here's the thing about profanity. My mother always said that it's the language of the uneducated and to an extent, I agree. I don't have a ton of education (just yet) but I venture to say I'm at least mildly well spoken and I enjoy the use of expletives. The difference is those who know how to use them, and those who aren't (dare I say, creative?) enough to come up with something better than, "Yeah, well you're an asshole!"
At least, that's my opinion. I possess the power to absolutely slaughter people with words. I wasn't gifted with much, but that I have. If you can even call it a gift. Of course, it goes both ways. I can really bring people up with them too. I've even inspired a few in my time. Hah. Not on purpose, of course. I never purposefully do anything productive for man kind.
I went through this stage, I guess around the time I first met Josh, where I never cursed. I guess I was trying to fit in with the little church crowd or something. (Which never worked for me. It's like they say, a zebra can't change her stripes.) Anyway, I was 15 and had no idea who I was. I'm not entirely sure now, but I have a better idea for sure. When I grew a little more comfortable with myself I said, I'm Lindsey, and I use curse words. And I like it. So there.
Immature? Maybe. But I'm all about acting my age, which is 22 and far from old and wise. I'll be the first to admit that. We know a few couples around here who are our age or even younger who act like they are old. God. No thanks. Naturally, we don't have much in common. Josh and I are the cleaner version of the poster children for 20-somethings. That's not a bad thing.
Of course, I guess I shouldn't judge. If those people like acting 40, then let 'em. Whatever floats your boat, right? Right. I don't have to hang out with you. And if I do, don't mind my taking a nap periodically during our visit. I'll be up for the rice pudding. No worries.
Haha. I'm Lindsey. I'm a smart ass, and I like it.
This whole blog has a lot to do with my inner most thoughts so, because of the nature of this post, you may be wondering why I don't use more curse words. (If you think I use a lot here well, hahaha) It's basically out of respect. See, I don't have a problem with cursing and honestly show me where it says in the Bible that I can't and I may consider stopping but, that doesn't mean I'm going to push my language off on others who may find it offensive. That is not my style.
Abrasive, yes. Disrespectful well, my mother taught me better. I really try, anyway. If I've been disrespectful, forgive me. That's my formal apology.
(What the...Postal Service??!?? How the hell did that get on here...@#@#@#) Harshing my groove. Haha. Speaking of 40 year old phrases.
I don't have a point. Is that what you're waiting for? Please. This is rambling at it's best. The only thing that would make this more disorganized is alcohol, of which I have none.
I'm Lindsey, I write stupid blogs and don't care if you read them or not. Bing!
So this is all crap and if you know me you should know that by now. I mean, there's some genuine feelings in this thing, like my views on cursing and stuff. And actually, I'm not going to explain myself. This is my way of venting.
I'm Lindsey, and today I just don't give a shit.
"I'd love to wear a rainbow everyday and tell the world everythings okay. But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back. 'Til things are brighter, I'm the Man in Black." - Johnny Cash
So here's the thing about profanity. My mother always said that it's the language of the uneducated and to an extent, I agree. I don't have a ton of education (just yet) but I venture to say I'm at least mildly well spoken and I enjoy the use of expletives. The difference is those who know how to use them, and those who aren't (dare I say, creative?) enough to come up with something better than, "Yeah, well you're an asshole!"
At least, that's my opinion. I possess the power to absolutely slaughter people with words. I wasn't gifted with much, but that I have. If you can even call it a gift. Of course, it goes both ways. I can really bring people up with them too. I've even inspired a few in my time. Hah. Not on purpose, of course. I never purposefully do anything productive for man kind.
I went through this stage, I guess around the time I first met Josh, where I never cursed. I guess I was trying to fit in with the little church crowd or something. (Which never worked for me. It's like they say, a zebra can't change her stripes.) Anyway, I was 15 and had no idea who I was. I'm not entirely sure now, but I have a better idea for sure. When I grew a little more comfortable with myself I said, I'm Lindsey, and I use curse words. And I like it. So there.
Immature? Maybe. But I'm all about acting my age, which is 22 and far from old and wise. I'll be the first to admit that. We know a few couples around here who are our age or even younger who act like they are old. God. No thanks. Naturally, we don't have much in common. Josh and I are the cleaner version of the poster children for 20-somethings. That's not a bad thing.
Of course, I guess I shouldn't judge. If those people like acting 40, then let 'em. Whatever floats your boat, right? Right. I don't have to hang out with you. And if I do, don't mind my taking a nap periodically during our visit. I'll be up for the rice pudding. No worries.
Haha. I'm Lindsey. I'm a smart ass, and I like it.
This whole blog has a lot to do with my inner most thoughts so, because of the nature of this post, you may be wondering why I don't use more curse words. (If you think I use a lot here well, hahaha) It's basically out of respect. See, I don't have a problem with cursing and honestly show me where it says in the Bible that I can't and I may consider stopping but, that doesn't mean I'm going to push my language off on others who may find it offensive. That is not my style.
Abrasive, yes. Disrespectful well, my mother taught me better. I really try, anyway. If I've been disrespectful, forgive me. That's my formal apology.
(What the...Postal Service??!?? How the hell did that get on here...@#@#@#) Harshing my groove. Haha. Speaking of 40 year old phrases.
I don't have a point. Is that what you're waiting for? Please. This is rambling at it's best. The only thing that would make this more disorganized is alcohol, of which I have none.
I'm Lindsey, I write stupid blogs and don't care if you read them or not. Bing!
So this is all crap and if you know me you should know that by now. I mean, there's some genuine feelings in this thing, like my views on cursing and stuff. And actually, I'm not going to explain myself. This is my way of venting.
I'm Lindsey, and today I just don't give a shit.
"I'd love to wear a rainbow everyday and tell the world everythings okay. But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back. 'Til things are brighter, I'm the Man in Black." - Johnny Cash
Thursday, March 01, 2007
A Faith of Fakers
They found a second tomb that supposedly holds the remains of Jesus. He's buried in what they call a family tomb, in a bone box and the box he's in has his name on it. He's buried with two Marys', Joseph his brother and Judas his son. (These are the titles written on the boxes, I'm not saying they are correct or not). They say that one of the Marys' is Mary Magdalene and she's buried beside Jesus, a place only reserved for blood relatives or wife. They did DNA testing on both the remains and found that they were not relatives, so she was buried there as his wife.
The Bible doesn't mention that Jesus had a family, though I don't see it as a stretch at all. In fact, there's quite a bit of his life that is left out, I believe its between the ages of 13 and just around 30 but I'm no scholar.
The surprising thing in all of this (though honestly, I don't know why it surprises me anymore) is the off the handle reaction from the Christians. There's a movie coming out about all this, though I already forget the title. But the man who made the documentary is getting all kinds of trouble from the Christians. Is it that hard to believe that Jesus's remains were found? Is that all it takes to shake up your little Bubble World?
Jesus was physically a man. We know this, it's necessary for the story to mean something to us as men. He had a physical body which felt pain, thus the passion of the cross. This is a critical part of the Christian faith. Jesus was God in Man. That being said, is it so hard to believe that when he died, he left his body behind? Isn't that what happens to all earthly bodies? If anything, it'd be even more peculiar if there were no body.
The egos on these people are astounding. They ought to know better than this. We don't know everything. In fact, we know nothing. We know what we've been given, and what God intended us to know and I'm not even sure half the people who claim the faith even know that much. It is but a tiny window's view into all that has happened. You just have to accept the fact that there are things we don't know, and that there is a possibility that more will be revealed.
But you'd think they were defending a fake faith. Is all the uproar necessary in this situation? If the story of Jesus is true, and you believe in your heart that it is, then there is no need to be upset about all this. What's true, is true. Nothing that has been discovered or ever will be discovered will change that fact. But with the reaction the Christians are having, you'd almost think they didn't believe it themselves.
Maybe that is the problem. And if that is the case, how am I supposed to believe what they tell me if they don't even believe it themselves. This does not go unnoticed by the "secular" world. Also noted by the rest of us is the lack of reaction to things they ought to be reacting to. Things like proposed laws to imprison parents who are caught spanking their children, abortion, same sex marriage, all these things our culture indulges in with out a slight mention from the "church". For crying out loud, the Catholics are making a name for themselves on the child abuse registry left and right. The molestation cases are piling up against prominent members of the Catholic church and nobody has anything to say about it.
And here's my disclaimer:
I don't really know much about the Bible and that shames me, to be honest. What I do know, tells me that this is nothing to worry about, short of the over reaction from the Christians. I think they need to be more aware of how they look to the rest of the world. That's just my opinion. I absolutely believe the story of Jesus, as it's written in the New Testament, but I also believe there is a lot we don't know, and there is a reason for that. God hasn't changed. He knew better than us when he wrote it and He knows better now. Nothing gets past him, kids. So don't get your panties in a bunch. If you insist indulging in your wedgie and giving the rest of us a headache, make it something worth screaming about. There are many to choose from. I wrote a whole blog on my myspace about what happens to "friends of the Clintons". Now that...is scary.
Who knows if they found Jesus. If so, how amazing is that. People have always said, "Well maybe he was an incredible person, but God I'm not so sure." At least now they can know he is historically correct. Maybe they'll find proof of other miracles, but it's doubtful. Miracles with proof are only half as good as the ones you have faith in.
And God doesn't settle for half as good.
The Bible doesn't mention that Jesus had a family, though I don't see it as a stretch at all. In fact, there's quite a bit of his life that is left out, I believe its between the ages of 13 and just around 30 but I'm no scholar.
The surprising thing in all of this (though honestly, I don't know why it surprises me anymore) is the off the handle reaction from the Christians. There's a movie coming out about all this, though I already forget the title. But the man who made the documentary is getting all kinds of trouble from the Christians. Is it that hard to believe that Jesus's remains were found? Is that all it takes to shake up your little Bubble World?
Jesus was physically a man. We know this, it's necessary for the story to mean something to us as men. He had a physical body which felt pain, thus the passion of the cross. This is a critical part of the Christian faith. Jesus was God in Man. That being said, is it so hard to believe that when he died, he left his body behind? Isn't that what happens to all earthly bodies? If anything, it'd be even more peculiar if there were no body.
The egos on these people are astounding. They ought to know better than this. We don't know everything. In fact, we know nothing. We know what we've been given, and what God intended us to know and I'm not even sure half the people who claim the faith even know that much. It is but a tiny window's view into all that has happened. You just have to accept the fact that there are things we don't know, and that there is a possibility that more will be revealed.
But you'd think they were defending a fake faith. Is all the uproar necessary in this situation? If the story of Jesus is true, and you believe in your heart that it is, then there is no need to be upset about all this. What's true, is true. Nothing that has been discovered or ever will be discovered will change that fact. But with the reaction the Christians are having, you'd almost think they didn't believe it themselves.
Maybe that is the problem. And if that is the case, how am I supposed to believe what they tell me if they don't even believe it themselves. This does not go unnoticed by the "secular" world. Also noted by the rest of us is the lack of reaction to things they ought to be reacting to. Things like proposed laws to imprison parents who are caught spanking their children, abortion, same sex marriage, all these things our culture indulges in with out a slight mention from the "church". For crying out loud, the Catholics are making a name for themselves on the child abuse registry left and right. The molestation cases are piling up against prominent members of the Catholic church and nobody has anything to say about it.
And here's my disclaimer:
I don't really know much about the Bible and that shames me, to be honest. What I do know, tells me that this is nothing to worry about, short of the over reaction from the Christians. I think they need to be more aware of how they look to the rest of the world. That's just my opinion. I absolutely believe the story of Jesus, as it's written in the New Testament, but I also believe there is a lot we don't know, and there is a reason for that. God hasn't changed. He knew better than us when he wrote it and He knows better now. Nothing gets past him, kids. So don't get your panties in a bunch. If you insist indulging in your wedgie and giving the rest of us a headache, make it something worth screaming about. There are many to choose from. I wrote a whole blog on my myspace about what happens to "friends of the Clintons". Now that...is scary.
Who knows if they found Jesus. If so, how amazing is that. People have always said, "Well maybe he was an incredible person, but God I'm not so sure." At least now they can know he is historically correct. Maybe they'll find proof of other miracles, but it's doubtful. Miracles with proof are only half as good as the ones you have faith in.
And God doesn't settle for half as good.
Fear
Riley is going to be ten months old this weekend. I can't believe it's been almost a year already. When you have a baby, people say all kinds of stupid things to you but it turns out a few of them are actually true. Like how fast time flies. It really is amazing, especially considering how long some of our days feel. Haha. I love every minute of it.
I've been noticing recently that little Riley is no longer the brave little man that he was born as. There are little things that seem to scare him now. The other day we went through the car wash and he literally screamed the whole way through. I felt so bad. It's just that, up to this point nothing has really bothered him. Grandma Bonny put him in the bath tub for the first time and again with the screaming. We let a stranger hold him in the restaurant, and his little face scrunched up in the cutest mini-terror I'd ever seen. Then yesterday, he started whimpering and crying during a scene in his Baby Einstein video that featured different kinds of bugs. I tried it again this morning to see if it was really the video, and sure enough it was. My little man is afraid of bugs.
He's still not afraid of falling or any kind of physical pain, I guess because he hasn't really experienced it. Then again, I don't know of any traumatic bug incidents, either.
I've always been told that fear was something learned, and I think to an extent it is. But fear is also something in our nature. I've been with this Man nearly every second of his little life so far, and I watched him develop it. It's pretty amazing, actually. It's also kind of sad.
I recently saw a women's speaker at the church and she said something that really struck me. "You pass one of two things on to your children and that is all. Either you give them God's promises, or you give them fear." This hit home for me because I live in fear of...pretty much everything. It's weird, because I'm not even a careful person. It's not that kind of fear. I definitely fear emotional damage more than physical damage. I can say personally, that after having a baby, not too much scares me in the pain department. In fact, I've said to Josh before that if I could describe my childhood in one word, that would be Fear. And I think that is extremely accurate.
I'm going to be very careful not to pass fear on to Riley. I hate the way I feel most of the time. What that speaker said really made me think about the fears my parents handed down to me. I think both of them (and this is my natural parents I'm talking about) are afraid of success. That seems weird if you're not afraid of it, but if you are it means having to branch out and try something that may very well fail at. So more accurately, they were afraid of failure. The answer to that of course is to not even try. You can see how that affected my relationship with my biological father. His father was a failure, so he didn't even try to father us. It makes sense. I think this is one of my biggest problems too.
So, that being said I'm going back to school. I need to finish this for myself, and also to show Riley that I could do it, even though it scares me to death. Finishing school is the easy part, it's doing something with myself that scares me. If it means one less fear or excuse for Riley to make for not pushing himself, then it's worth it. Not that college is necessary for everyone, it's just that it's what I started. And what I'm afraid to finish. The only thing that will keep me from doing it at this time is if it turns out I can't get enough grants and scholarships to go for free. I refuse to get more college loans. That's not fear, it's just smart.
Anyway, that's my speculation. Take it as you will.
I've been noticing recently that little Riley is no longer the brave little man that he was born as. There are little things that seem to scare him now. The other day we went through the car wash and he literally screamed the whole way through. I felt so bad. It's just that, up to this point nothing has really bothered him. Grandma Bonny put him in the bath tub for the first time and again with the screaming. We let a stranger hold him in the restaurant, and his little face scrunched up in the cutest mini-terror I'd ever seen. Then yesterday, he started whimpering and crying during a scene in his Baby Einstein video that featured different kinds of bugs. I tried it again this morning to see if it was really the video, and sure enough it was. My little man is afraid of bugs.
He's still not afraid of falling or any kind of physical pain, I guess because he hasn't really experienced it. Then again, I don't know of any traumatic bug incidents, either.
I've always been told that fear was something learned, and I think to an extent it is. But fear is also something in our nature. I've been with this Man nearly every second of his little life so far, and I watched him develop it. It's pretty amazing, actually. It's also kind of sad.
I recently saw a women's speaker at the church and she said something that really struck me. "You pass one of two things on to your children and that is all. Either you give them God's promises, or you give them fear." This hit home for me because I live in fear of...pretty much everything. It's weird, because I'm not even a careful person. It's not that kind of fear. I definitely fear emotional damage more than physical damage. I can say personally, that after having a baby, not too much scares me in the pain department. In fact, I've said to Josh before that if I could describe my childhood in one word, that would be Fear. And I think that is extremely accurate.
I'm going to be very careful not to pass fear on to Riley. I hate the way I feel most of the time. What that speaker said really made me think about the fears my parents handed down to me. I think both of them (and this is my natural parents I'm talking about) are afraid of success. That seems weird if you're not afraid of it, but if you are it means having to branch out and try something that may very well fail at. So more accurately, they were afraid of failure. The answer to that of course is to not even try. You can see how that affected my relationship with my biological father. His father was a failure, so he didn't even try to father us. It makes sense. I think this is one of my biggest problems too.
So, that being said I'm going back to school. I need to finish this for myself, and also to show Riley that I could do it, even though it scares me to death. Finishing school is the easy part, it's doing something with myself that scares me. If it means one less fear or excuse for Riley to make for not pushing himself, then it's worth it. Not that college is necessary for everyone, it's just that it's what I started. And what I'm afraid to finish. The only thing that will keep me from doing it at this time is if it turns out I can't get enough grants and scholarships to go for free. I refuse to get more college loans. That's not fear, it's just smart.
Anyway, that's my speculation. Take it as you will.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Stupid is a dominant gene
I really love dogs, which is why we decided to breed ours. I don't think I'll be breeding them anymore because I'm afraid that the dogs are smarter than most of the people who have contacted us. The homes that the dogs have gone to so far have been perfect, I couldn't have hoped for better for those puppies. But those battles were hard fought. We had to..."kiss a lot of frogs" if you will.
I get insane questions all the time, the most irritating being the ones who ask me to drive places with three German Shepherd puppies in the back of my car. Have you lost your damn mind? You do know these aren't the little "teacup" thingies that Paris Hilton carries around in her bra strap, right? These dogs already way more than my son. I've already mentioned the ones who want to know if these are show quality dogs...I am ripping my hair out. Of course not. Don't be so lazy.
That's what it is actually, laziness. They have lazy minds. If you want to know anything about the breed, all you have to do is type it into Google, since I'm absolutely positive making a trip to the library would be way too taxing. And they obviously have access to a computer because I get these ridiculous questions via email. I don't mind asking questions, I actually like it, but the stupid ones make me nuts.
I know I used to rant and rave about people not having an independent thought amongst them, but I was hoping I was wrong. Or, that maybe that was just the jobless internet community I was talking to most of the time. I was right! I have never been so depressed about being right.
This is the conversation that inspired this post:
digitalkitten06: why do only stupid people want dogs
digitalkitten06: or...mostly stupid
digitalkitten06: is it just that people are predominately stupid in general?
11:40 AM
Josh Sammons: I guess they're gene pool needs a little chlorine..
digitalkitten06: Seriously...
digitalkitten06: I mean I used to say I didn't think people had an independent thought among them, but I was hoping I was wrong
digitalkitten06: But...I'm not.
digitalkitten06: I just got an email about the dogs WHICH by the way, came from puppyfind and the person was asking "how much" which is clearly written on the friggin add
digitalkitten06: Secondly, she said, and this is an exact quote:
digitalkitten06: "Is Maine or Massachusetts too far"
digitalkitten06: that was the question....what the heck does that mean?! Are you asking me to drive there with three puppies in my car?
digitalkitten06: What is going through your head?!
Josh Sammons: She must be a little kid email you
digitalkitten06: No i don't think so
Josh Sammons: If so it'd be cute
digitalkitten06: but I'm pretty sure she is black
digitalkitten06: "chalanda22" is her email
Josh Sammons: Why do black people want shepherds so much?
digitalkitten06: i dont know i thought they were scared of them
digitalkitten06: they like "mean" dogs
Josh Sammons: maybe thats why they want one, they're scared so they think everyone else will be
digitalkitten06: they want to scare off black people? hahahah
11:45 AM
digitalkitten06: God
digitalkitten06: What scares off stupid people?
digitalkitten06: Word puzzles?
digitalkitten06: "In order to speak to me you must solve a puzzle. If solved, you may move forward."
Josh Sammons: Progress, thinking for yourself, work
digitalkitten06: Then why aren't they all dead yet
Josh Sammons: lemmings
digitalkitten06: stupid people wanting shepherds is kind of funny
digitalkitten06: those dogs could probably outsmart most of the people that contact us
So the majority are really just walking around blindly waiting for someone who does think to help them along. And that's really what it is. Like I said earlier, laziness. When I am lucky enough to find another intelligent person they are always so impressed, "Wow, you're actually smart! It's nice to talk to someone who is intelligent for once."
Why is that? It's absolutely pathetic. I'm not a college graduate. I don't have anything particularly special. There are people with disabilities that function better than the people I'm talking about. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, or that I don't make mistakes or feel stupid once in a while. Everybody does. I am talking about stupid as a lifestyle. It's just unacceptable to me.
Unfortunately, that's not the standard for the rest of the world. So, people are encouraged to act the way they do because that's "just who they are". Well I for one will not allow people to be stupid in my presence anymore. I will charge people to think of things, answer their own questions if possible. Work their brains. I will probably not make any friends, but atleast I won't have idiots hanging around me. If those are my options I'd rather be alone anyway.
Ugh. Well I haven't done one of these "I'm disgusted with everyone" posts in a while so yeah, enjoy.
I get insane questions all the time, the most irritating being the ones who ask me to drive places with three German Shepherd puppies in the back of my car. Have you lost your damn mind? You do know these aren't the little "teacup" thingies that Paris Hilton carries around in her bra strap, right? These dogs already way more than my son. I've already mentioned the ones who want to know if these are show quality dogs...I am ripping my hair out. Of course not. Don't be so lazy.
That's what it is actually, laziness. They have lazy minds. If you want to know anything about the breed, all you have to do is type it into Google, since I'm absolutely positive making a trip to the library would be way too taxing. And they obviously have access to a computer because I get these ridiculous questions via email. I don't mind asking questions, I actually like it, but the stupid ones make me nuts.
I know I used to rant and rave about people not having an independent thought amongst them, but I was hoping I was wrong. Or, that maybe that was just the jobless internet community I was talking to most of the time. I was right! I have never been so depressed about being right.
This is the conversation that inspired this post:
digitalkitten06: why do only stupid people want dogs
digitalkitten06: or...mostly stupid
digitalkitten06: is it just that people are predominately stupid in general?
11:40 AM
Josh Sammons: I guess they're gene pool needs a little chlorine..
digitalkitten06: Seriously...
digitalkitten06: I mean I used to say I didn't think people had an independent thought among them, but I was hoping I was wrong
digitalkitten06: But...I'm not.
digitalkitten06: I just got an email about the dogs WHICH by the way, came from puppyfind and the person was asking "how much" which is clearly written on the friggin add
digitalkitten06: Secondly, she said, and this is an exact quote:
digitalkitten06: "Is Maine or Massachusetts too far"
digitalkitten06: that was the question....what the heck does that mean?! Are you asking me to drive there with three puppies in my car?
digitalkitten06: What is going through your head?!
Josh Sammons: She must be a little kid email you
digitalkitten06: No i don't think so
Josh Sammons: If so it'd be cute
digitalkitten06: but I'm pretty sure she is black
digitalkitten06: "chalanda22" is her email
Josh Sammons: Why do black people want shepherds so much?
digitalkitten06: i dont know i thought they were scared of them
digitalkitten06: they like "mean" dogs
Josh Sammons: maybe thats why they want one, they're scared so they think everyone else will be
digitalkitten06: they want to scare off black people? hahahah
11:45 AM
digitalkitten06: God
digitalkitten06: What scares off stupid people?
digitalkitten06: Word puzzles?
digitalkitten06: "In order to speak to me you must solve a puzzle. If solved, you may move forward."
Josh Sammons: Progress, thinking for yourself, work
digitalkitten06: Then why aren't they all dead yet
Josh Sammons: lemmings
digitalkitten06: stupid people wanting shepherds is kind of funny
digitalkitten06: those dogs could probably outsmart most of the people that contact us
So the majority are really just walking around blindly waiting for someone who does think to help them along. And that's really what it is. Like I said earlier, laziness. When I am lucky enough to find another intelligent person they are always so impressed, "Wow, you're actually smart! It's nice to talk to someone who is intelligent for once."
Why is that? It's absolutely pathetic. I'm not a college graduate. I don't have anything particularly special. There are people with disabilities that function better than the people I'm talking about. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, or that I don't make mistakes or feel stupid once in a while. Everybody does. I am talking about stupid as a lifestyle. It's just unacceptable to me.
Unfortunately, that's not the standard for the rest of the world. So, people are encouraged to act the way they do because that's "just who they are". Well I for one will not allow people to be stupid in my presence anymore. I will charge people to think of things, answer their own questions if possible. Work their brains. I will probably not make any friends, but atleast I won't have idiots hanging around me. If those are my options I'd rather be alone anyway.
Ugh. Well I haven't done one of these "I'm disgusted with everyone" posts in a while so yeah, enjoy.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Cruise Walks
Kind of like Jesus, only not really.
Apparently the Church of Scientology, in it's infinite wisdom, has declared Tom Cruise the next Christ.
I had no idea the position was open! I wonder who else put in their applications. Should make a good special on the T.V. Guide channel.
They're thinking he's going to be worshipped and everything. It's obvious these people know nothing about the actual Christ, or else they wouldn't dare make the comparison but for crying out loud...
For one thing he joined the religion *coughcultcough* sometime in the 80's and, correct me if I'm wrong but Jesus never joined any religion as he didn't have to because religions were formed because of him...? Ringing any bells?
I feel especially bad for Katie. Ladies, can you imagine? Haha...I mean someone tells your husband he is the new God, and now you have to live with him. Good luck with that.
I guess it's really not much different than what he and the rest of Hollywood is already used to. I've already gone into my whole "Boycott Hollywood" shpeel so I'll save you that can of worms. It's just that now The Church of Scientology has made it official.
There really is no end to the madness.
Apparently the Church of Scientology, in it's infinite wisdom, has declared Tom Cruise the next Christ.
I had no idea the position was open! I wonder who else put in their applications. Should make a good special on the T.V. Guide channel.
They're thinking he's going to be worshipped and everything. It's obvious these people know nothing about the actual Christ, or else they wouldn't dare make the comparison but for crying out loud...
For one thing he joined the religion *coughcultcough* sometime in the 80's and, correct me if I'm wrong but Jesus never joined any religion as he didn't have to because religions were formed because of him...? Ringing any bells?
I feel especially bad for Katie. Ladies, can you imagine? Haha...I mean someone tells your husband he is the new God, and now you have to live with him. Good luck with that.
I guess it's really not much different than what he and the rest of Hollywood is already used to. I've already gone into my whole "Boycott Hollywood" shpeel so I'll save you that can of worms. It's just that now The Church of Scientology has made it official.
There really is no end to the madness.
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Weekend, Usually
Since when have I written posts about my actual life?! I never do that. I like to just wax philosophic about absolutely nothing. My goal is usually to leave you with a few less brain cells than you started with. How am I doing?
It's tax season! I'm less excited this year, since last year was the first time Josh and I actually had to file as a married couple and I realized I screwed the whole thing up and we actually owed money. Boo. I'm really banking on not having screwed it up this year, Mama needs a new computer!
We do. It's sad, really. We're using Josh's G3 from the Bradley days and Oh my, does it want to go to pasture. It's not that bad really if you don't want to use programs. If you do want to use programs, and you're living in our house, you should plan your day thusly: Wake up, start your shower. Come down stairs, turn on the computer and click on desired program. Go back up, get in the shower, get dressed. When you're all done, the program should be just about opened. Then you can spend the rest of the day trying to crop and resize a picture just to get it to fit on your damn myspace...gggguuuhhhh.
The nice computer we had went to Watermark, so Josh and I have been hoping for a decent tax return in order to get a new one for the house. Of course neither of us want to settle for a nice little (and did I mention inexpensive?) Dell or something. We are totally Mac-spoiled. (Though personally I could get used to anything.) We saw the one we wanted in the mall. You'd have to ask Josh what it's called but it's beautiful. I am drooling.
In other news, Josh and I are going to West Virginia next week if all goes according to plan. It will be my first whole night away from The Man. I'm sure I'm dreading it more than he is. We're going up to Longhorn which is one of our "irons in the fire" if you will. It's a real pain to get there and spend the night and everything but Josh did sooooo much work for them, he really deserves to see it at least once. So off we go, Boots and Braces....Oh wait. Haha. Not those kinds of boots.
I was going to write a post about love, but I'm pretty stumped. Maybe I'll have it up for Valentine's Day but it's doubtful.
It's tax season! I'm less excited this year, since last year was the first time Josh and I actually had to file as a married couple and I realized I screwed the whole thing up and we actually owed money. Boo. I'm really banking on not having screwed it up this year, Mama needs a new computer!
We do. It's sad, really. We're using Josh's G3 from the Bradley days and Oh my, does it want to go to pasture. It's not that bad really if you don't want to use programs. If you do want to use programs, and you're living in our house, you should plan your day thusly: Wake up, start your shower. Come down stairs, turn on the computer and click on desired program. Go back up, get in the shower, get dressed. When you're all done, the program should be just about opened. Then you can spend the rest of the day trying to crop and resize a picture just to get it to fit on your damn myspace...gggguuuhhhh.
The nice computer we had went to Watermark, so Josh and I have been hoping for a decent tax return in order to get a new one for the house. Of course neither of us want to settle for a nice little (and did I mention inexpensive?) Dell or something. We are totally Mac-spoiled. (Though personally I could get used to anything.) We saw the one we wanted in the mall. You'd have to ask Josh what it's called but it's beautiful. I am drooling.
In other news, Josh and I are going to West Virginia next week if all goes according to plan. It will be my first whole night away from The Man. I'm sure I'm dreading it more than he is. We're going up to Longhorn which is one of our "irons in the fire" if you will. It's a real pain to get there and spend the night and everything but Josh did sooooo much work for them, he really deserves to see it at least once. So off we go, Boots and Braces....Oh wait. Haha. Not those kinds of boots.
I was going to write a post about love, but I'm pretty stumped. Maybe I'll have it up for Valentine's Day but it's doubtful.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Humble Pie
Maybe it's maturity kicking in again. It happens every few years, I literally feel myself growing up a little. It's mainly just little realizations, be it ways of living or thinking but whatever it is, something changes. This time I'm learning a little about perspective.
I don't consider myself a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I'm not as thoughful as some, but the truth is I really do care about people. I don't think I've ever done anyone serious emotional damage (at least, I really hope not) but little things. I won't get into specifics, but people have been doing little things that have hurt me recently. Pretty insignificant things, but at the same time it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end and I've found myself thinking "Wow, this is a lot like what I did to so-and-so." And shortly after I say, "Ohhhh..." I don't know. I guess it's just a little dose of humble pie, if you will.
I have this friend, she's only a year younger than me but she's not married and she doesn't have any children. She'll be getting married soon and I find her perspective really interesting (and kind of funny). She talks a lot about what it means to be a mom and a wife, even though she's never been either one. I know I did the same thing. See, it's easy to talk a lot of shit when you've never been in that person's shoes. I can remember when everything seemed black and white and I could not wrap my mind around why people did the things they did. Having a little more life under my belt has helped me to keep my mouth shut more often than not, and to try and see things from other people's point of view.
I know Josh and I haven't been married forever and Riley isn't even a year old, but I'm not even pretending like I know what I'm doing anymore. That's right, World, I'm winging it. Just like I always have, only now I'm being honest about it.
This is a short one, as there isn't much to be said. Life lessons, at least for me, are hard learned and certainly not without pain. I like it, though. Pain is a sign of life, after all. So now I'm a little slower to judge and hopefully I'll think a little more before I do things.
I don't consider myself a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I'm not as thoughful as some, but the truth is I really do care about people. I don't think I've ever done anyone serious emotional damage (at least, I really hope not) but little things. I won't get into specifics, but people have been doing little things that have hurt me recently. Pretty insignificant things, but at the same time it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end and I've found myself thinking "Wow, this is a lot like what I did to so-and-so." And shortly after I say, "Ohhhh..." I don't know. I guess it's just a little dose of humble pie, if you will.
I have this friend, she's only a year younger than me but she's not married and she doesn't have any children. She'll be getting married soon and I find her perspective really interesting (and kind of funny). She talks a lot about what it means to be a mom and a wife, even though she's never been either one. I know I did the same thing. See, it's easy to talk a lot of shit when you've never been in that person's shoes. I can remember when everything seemed black and white and I could not wrap my mind around why people did the things they did. Having a little more life under my belt has helped me to keep my mouth shut more often than not, and to try and see things from other people's point of view.
I know Josh and I haven't been married forever and Riley isn't even a year old, but I'm not even pretending like I know what I'm doing anymore. That's right, World, I'm winging it. Just like I always have, only now I'm being honest about it.
This is a short one, as there isn't much to be said. Life lessons, at least for me, are hard learned and certainly not without pain. I like it, though. Pain is a sign of life, after all. So now I'm a little slower to judge and hopefully I'll think a little more before I do things.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Holy Stressful weekend, Batman!
Oh. My. God.
That's probably all I need to write. At the risk of seriously bumming you all out, here comes the weekend that shall be referenced to in the future as the Weekend of Drama.
I can't even tell you half of it as it has everything to do with other people's personal lives. All I will say is, just when you think the shit is done hitting the fan, a new wind will blow. Hah!
Other than that it appears that selling unregistered German shepherds in Sussex County draws more idiots than flies to...honey.
One woman called wanting a registered female, without a no-breed contract, with shots for $250. And I wanna live in a grass hut in the Bahamas. Good luck with that, lady.
This other nut case, God. Today was not the day to leave a crazy freakin' message saying my dogs "don't look right." So she came and said things like oh they're so beautiful but I'm too broke to buy one so maybe next week. Well...actually she wanted us to "put a hold on one" for her without any money down. Uh, no.
Then she said she'd come and leave us like $30 as a deposit which we had also said was unacceptable, but we were going to let her get away with it. Why? Guh. Who knows. But she called back and said she didn't have that and she could only come up with $100 this week so we called her and left a message saying that was enough for a deposit, but that there was no way we could give one of this puppies up for that much. Well...that must have pissed her off pretty bad. She called back, left a crazy ass message about how "$100 was all she would OFFER us for one of our dogs because blah blah blah they looked sick or whatever" and a whole bunch of other crazy crap.
Offer us? OFFER US?! No. We had been more than patient with this chick. And now she was going to offer us...AAHHHRHHHGHHH. I wanted to wring her crazy red head. But I did call her back and let her know she was not welcome to any of our puppies for any amount of money and not to dare calling back or showing up. I know...I shouldn't do that. But, I did. I'm just so sick of being a door mat. Somebody was going to get the retaliation eventually, it just happened to be this woman. As crazy as she is she will probably call back and "offer" us like $50 for one tomorrow and I will tell her exactly where she can stick it. The arrogance on some people is absolutely astounding. They come here acting like they know everything there is to know about dogs, barely able to tie their own shoes or form a coherent sentence. Argh! And just today we had decided to keep doing it.
Not everyone is this bad. Actually, the two we sold went to great people. We won't sell them to idiots. One guy called today and I'm pretty sure he has dog fighting in mind. Ugh. I'm just waiting for the day when someone is standing in my yard wanting to hand me cash for one of the babies and I know if brains were gas they couldn't get out of the driveway. That will be an ugly one. Buhhhhhh.
Okay, I'm going to smoke.
That's probably all I need to write. At the risk of seriously bumming you all out, here comes the weekend that shall be referenced to in the future as the Weekend of Drama.
I can't even tell you half of it as it has everything to do with other people's personal lives. All I will say is, just when you think the shit is done hitting the fan, a new wind will blow. Hah!
Other than that it appears that selling unregistered German shepherds in Sussex County draws more idiots than flies to...honey.
One woman called wanting a registered female, without a no-breed contract, with shots for $250. And I wanna live in a grass hut in the Bahamas. Good luck with that, lady.
This other nut case, God. Today was not the day to leave a crazy freakin' message saying my dogs "don't look right." So she came and said things like oh they're so beautiful but I'm too broke to buy one so maybe next week. Well...actually she wanted us to "put a hold on one" for her without any money down. Uh, no.
Then she said she'd come and leave us like $30 as a deposit which we had also said was unacceptable, but we were going to let her get away with it. Why? Guh. Who knows. But she called back and said she didn't have that and she could only come up with $100 this week so we called her and left a message saying that was enough for a deposit, but that there was no way we could give one of this puppies up for that much. Well...that must have pissed her off pretty bad. She called back, left a crazy ass message about how "$100 was all she would OFFER us for one of our dogs because blah blah blah they looked sick or whatever" and a whole bunch of other crazy crap.
Offer us? OFFER US?! No. We had been more than patient with this chick. And now she was going to offer us...AAHHHRHHHGHHH. I wanted to wring her crazy red head. But I did call her back and let her know she was not welcome to any of our puppies for any amount of money and not to dare calling back or showing up. I know...I shouldn't do that. But, I did. I'm just so sick of being a door mat. Somebody was going to get the retaliation eventually, it just happened to be this woman. As crazy as she is she will probably call back and "offer" us like $50 for one tomorrow and I will tell her exactly where she can stick it. The arrogance on some people is absolutely astounding. They come here acting like they know everything there is to know about dogs, barely able to tie their own shoes or form a coherent sentence. Argh! And just today we had decided to keep doing it.
Not everyone is this bad. Actually, the two we sold went to great people. We won't sell them to idiots. One guy called today and I'm pretty sure he has dog fighting in mind. Ugh. I'm just waiting for the day when someone is standing in my yard wanting to hand me cash for one of the babies and I know if brains were gas they couldn't get out of the driveway. That will be an ugly one. Buhhhhhh.
Okay, I'm going to smoke.
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